Historical Events.

Rated M
by Destiel
Tags   angst   original   psychological   comedy   unicorns   mentaldisorder   icunotreadingme   | Report Content

A A A A

 

The first thing Kody noticed was off about the dream she was having was that she wasn’t able to control her body like she usually could, the second was that when she spoke the voice that came out of her mouth was that of a very familiar person and not in fact her own.

“Felix, we must hurry” The husky English accent spoke to the male that helped her into the horse drawn black carriage, the ones from the sixteenth century that you only saw in movies or read about in books, not the type that you’d ever really get to see in person.

‘Felix’ didn’t say a word and simply closed the door behind her before she felt the carriage dip slightly from the weight of someone sitting at the reigns before the sound of a whip cracking and the horses burst into a sprint, launching the carriage forwards and almost causing her to topple over if she didn’t have a death grip on the purple silk bench she was seated on.

This is why they invented seatbelts.

Her body, or that in which she was currently sat front row in, seemed to almost hum in its anxiety as their heart beat radically in their ears and coupled with the pounding of the hooves on the forest ground to nearly drive her insane.

This is why they invented MP3 players.

There was a sense of urgency about the entire dream that made Kody want to scream at, but no matter what she did she couldn’t manage to wake up or even so much as make a sound the person could hear.

“We’re almost there, Milady” who she assumed was Felix shouted, snapping her out of her focus on all the sounds going through her head and she quietly observed, waiting for the person to do anything or say anything that’d make her wake up.

The answer came in the form of the carriage slowing to a stop and the girl didn’t even bother to wait for Felix to help her and charged out of the carriage as if on a mission towards the small cottage that appeared to be in the middle of the forest.

And this folks, is how horror films are started.

 

 

 

 

 

The irritating and irrationally obnoxious sound of the bell going off, signaling the end of lunch and the start of Mrs. Janice’s History class woke Kody out of her nap she’d taken the liberty of having in the back of the library on the overstuffed leather couch usually only teachers used.

“You have a nice nap?”

Dreamt of weird shit again.

“When do you dream of anything normal, anyways?”

If I wasn’t still brain damaged from waking up suddenly, I’d reply with something sarcastic and brilliant beyond compare.

“Of course you would”

Shut up.

“Make me”

I will, as soon as I-“Move out of my way, freak!” Kody was interrupted in her mental dispute by a classmate of hers bumping into her, not the other way around like they always felt was the reality.

Tilting her head to the side, Kody eyed the Senior with sandy blonde hair wearing the school’s football jacket with the team symbol-A ridiculous idea from the vice principal Dursley-a badger with its fur on fire, most likely coming back from the field after practice.

“What’re you looking at, psycho?” He sneered at her and she blinked at him with the most innocent and blank expression she could muster.

“You’d make a good fit for this coffin I have…My master would reward me for such a great catch” his sneer retracted and a look of pure horror overcame him and with his mouth open and his eyes wide, Kody stared at him unblinking just to make him even more uncomfortable.

Sputtering incoherent words, he turned around and shoved past his group of friends telling them to get the hell out of his way as he ran away like a bat out of hell.

“I’m pretty sure you just traumatized him for the rest of his life”

Eh, he’ll get shitfaced and forget about it by Friday.

“If he doesn’t, I can see him telling his grandkids about this day”

I always wanted my own legend.

“Don’t you have History in like…ten minutes ago?”

Oh shit.

She gripped the strap of her leather messenger bag and sprinted down the hallway towards the classroom where she’d no doubt be yelled at by the perpetually PMSing Mrs. Janice for being late again.

Not used to running for any length of time longer than to go down the stairs for dinner, the young redhead burst through the classroom door panting like she’d just ran a marathon and clutched the doorframe for support as she doubled over gasping for air.

The usual snickers and whispering she’d dealt with occurred from the classroom and as per usual, she ignored their entire existence and instead imagined them as every hot guy she’d ever been in love with.

“I think you should exercise more, work up that cardio”

Shut up, until you get your own body and treat it as badly as I do mine, you have nothing to say.

“I’d treat it just fine, thank you very much”

Polished men’s dress shoes came into her view and by the looks of the flawless stitching, she’d say they were more than likely designer and way the fuck too overpriced for Mrs. Janice or any of her classmates to afford.

Dragging her gaze up the neatly pressed black slacks to the tucked in matching black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, Kody realized this guy was probably lost and had stumbled into her school like a lost puppy, especially when she looked up even further and saw that instead of a tie he’d left his top three buttons undone.

Then of course the guy had to be gorgeous, as if too punish her he was a beautiful clean shaven man with dark chocolate brown eyes and perfectly done brownish black hair gelled to look like it was just always like that.

“Jesus, how the hell did Mr. Perfect show up here?” she mumbled out loud and he chuckled, making things worse with how fucking attractive that goddamned laugh was.

“Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my vagina. So fuck me already”

I’m pretty sure that’s not the original lyrics.

“Who gives a shit with a guy like that standing in front of you? I’d smash him like Hulk on Harlem”

I’ve created a monster.

“You must be Miss Grey, I was just taking attendance so don’t worry about being late and go ahead to your seat, do you need some water?” Mr. Perfect asked her with sincere worry scrunched in his brows, making her adore him even more for being so fucking polite.

“I’m fine, just not used to running. Who’re you and where can I get one?”

“I’m the new History substitute, Carrick Ashwood, but please, call me Rick”

“Heh, he’s got wood”

You would make that pun.

“Oh don’t act like you didn’t think it, too”

Oh, I did, I was just pointing out your amazing pun skills.

“Thank you, thank you”

Going to her seat in the back by the window, Kody hung her messenger bag over her seat and pulled out her notebook she’d color coded for History and stared up at Mr. Ashwood as he explained why he was there.

“Unfortunately, Mrs. Janice’s niece in Wales has caught an ugly case of the flu and she’s flown back to help her brother take care of her”

“How sad, that poor girl…”

Indeed, the dragon has gone back to its den.

“That sounds like an epic code for something like in the movies”

Knowing us it’d be code for ‘LOOK AT THOSE THIGHS!’

“Ayyyyyye girl, ayyyyyye”

STAHP IT!

“So for the next few weeks I’ll be your substitute and hopefully Mrs. Janice’s niece recovers swiftly” Mr. Ashwood continued and then picked up where Mrs. Janice left off with the lesson while every female in the class gawked at his gorgeousness.

At the end of class, he called her up to his desk and she couldn’t help but imagine the terrible porno’s where the teacher asks to speak with the student and instead bangs the shit out of her (Figuratively, of course) and snorted like a horse.

“And you call me bad, tch”

Shh, go back to admiring his ears or whatever.

The class cleared out (But not without death glares from every girl) and Kody put her stuff away to walk over to his desk and ask what he needed.

“I looked over the papers and I noticed you haven’t been doing your homework for the past month, is there a specific reason or do you just not want to do them?”

“To be honest, I hate history class”

“Why’s that? History plays a huge part in how we live our lives today”

“Yeah, but no one ever pays attention to the real facts”

“Like?” he leaned forward to put his elbow on the desk and rested his chin in his palm.

Adjusting the strap of her bag so it was over her left shoulder, Kody listed off with a shrug. “The Holocaust actually happening, Columbus not being the one to discover America, y’know, things like that”

“Well, you’re certainly equipped with more knowledge than the average student” he commended her with a charming smile that almost blinded her with its brightness.

“I like to think of myself as a genius but I’m far from it”

“Why do you say that?”

“Haven’t you heard? I’m clinical” she flashed him a humorless grin and he snorted a laugh.

“Einstein heard voices in his head, too” she giggled at that, receiving a raised eyebrow from the teacher.

“What?”

“Oh, it’s just that my Uncle says the same thing”

“Smart man, so how about we make a deal?”

“What kind of deal?”

“The sex kind, obviously”

“You promise to do your homework, and I promise to teach the real facts” he held his hand out to shake on it, She eyed him skeptically and debated on accepting his offer, it wasn’t a bad idea, but she really hated history so it was probably going to come back and bite her in the ass…hard.

Sticking her hand out and taking his in her own, she shook his hand with a smile. “I hope you won’t abuse my talents, Mr. Ashwood”

“It’s Rick, please. And I would never” he beamed at her and she rolled her eyes, walking out of the classroom with her hand held up in a wave over her shoulder.

“I want one”

Mr. Rick or a talent?

“I think we both know what I mean”

Yeah, I was just hoping you’d stop projecting images of him naked.

 

 

 

 

Stepping into the foyer of her three story townhouse, Kody closed the door behind her and shouted out that she was home to her parents before climbing up the stairs to her bedroom on the second floor and dropping her bag on the bed.

Taking her shoes off with her feet, she stumbled over to her ipod dock and plugged it in to play her selection of vulgar rock music as she went about changing out of her clothes and into her pajamas.

Her Mom knocked on the door just as she was pulling on her cookie monster pants and came in to plop down on her bed on her stomach. “How was school today?”

“Mrs. Janice is on leave today, so I got a new history teacher”

“Oh, are they out to get you, too?” she propped herself up on her elbows and swung her legs around behind her.

Giving her a sarcastic grimace, Kody pulled on her matching cookie monster hoodie and replied.“Oh ha ha, and no, he’s actually pretty cool”

Tilting her head to the side, her mother asked “Is he old?”

“No, probably in his mid to late twenties”

“Is he cute?”

“I’m pretty sure it isn’t in the parenting handbook to ask your daughter if she’s hot for teacher”

“They have one of those?” laughing, Kody walked over and sat on her mom’s back, holding her hostage so she could tickle her feet and make her squeak in surprise.

“Dinner’s ready, children” Monica announced from the doorway where she had her hands on her hips and a tea towel over her shoulder with her trademark grin.

Stopping the torture on her mother, Kody looked at her and she looked right back. “I’ll race you” and with that, they both bolted up and through the door, but thankfully Monica moved before she could be trampled and chuckled at the supposed ‘Mother’ Alexandria was.

“Don’t run on the stairs!”

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BrokenAbyssChain  on says about chapter 2:
I can't express how much this cracks me up. I remembered the general idea of the story but I actually forgot the scenes and I just love it. The immense amount of snark between us is unreal (geddit?)

But really _____, you left here there? THERE?!

I need to know what happens goddamn it!

BrokenAbyssChain  on says about chapter 1:
I can't.
The remix of Call Me Maybe.
"That poor girl" to "STAHP IT" had me in hysterics. I had to re-read it.
Then "Heh, got wood" made me snort my coffee. I thought the humor was over and tried to drink again and then you put in the _____o reference -_-" And I would would be projecting images of him naked. All day. while singing '_____ Yeah' by Marina and the Diamonds. I'll prob be posting mine soon.

BrokenAbyssChain  on says:
AHHHHH LIEIIIIIIIIIIK IIIIIHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTT!

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