iv. in the name of something new i drink

oh, what can i do

life is beautiful

but you don't

have a clue.

Cerise refuses to answer any of Brandon’s calls or text back, deciding that the best way to show her frustration is to put a stop to their usual conversations and let him boil in his own juices while wondering what in the world is happening in that little town he basically forced her into. Caroline surprisingly agrees with her plan and does the same, giving him vague answers and always avoiding spilling any of the details concerning her guest, always making sure to be in the same room as Cerise, watching in amusement as she almost chokes on the laughter she’s trying to contain.

The second Caroline ends the call and lowers the phone from her ear, Cerise is close to rolling onto the floor and Caroline soon follows suit, coming up to her and wrapping her arms around her figure as they laugh. At first, our dear heroine was more than surprised at how touchy her host is, at how much physical contact she initiates, but after some hours of feeling her body mold around her own, she finds the action endearing, so close to being something natural she finds it extremely odd when Caroline is out and about and not there with her to catch her by surprise with one of the bear hugs she made sure to give her at least three times a day.

She’s thankful, more so than words can ever convey towards Caroline who had taken her into her house and trusted her enough to give her a spare key and leave her home alone without minding the impediment danger looming around every corner of the town. Cerise doesn’t know what she would have done if someone other than her had been her host, for she feels no particular attraction towards any of her friends, thing she made quite clear on the first night in the house, after both of them finished placing everything on the shelves and in the wardrobe, while they were on her bed and talking about nothing and surprisingly everything at the same time. She felt like her heart might explode when she realized she let her true feelings slip, but Caroline waved her hand in dismissal and continued on with the conversation, thing Cerise will never forget.

It’s not that she is adamant about conversing with any of them or establishing any sort of relationship between them, considering the action fruitless. It’s just that, if she were to be absolutely honest, she would rather spend her entire vacation with just Caroline. Their reaction to her arrival didn’t fall to blind eyes and while she chose to appear clueless about their behavior, it doesn’t mean it didn’t affect her opinion on them. She had never expect a grand welcoming party for her, or presents or anything like that, but she did however expect a less hostile environment to live in and step into, thing she was obviously not granted. She is still able to hear the blue-eyes male scoffing when she talked, making her want to shrink and disappear right then and there if possible.

Caroline on the other hand, has done everything in her powers and beyond to ensure she felt at home with her. She is a ball of positivity and sarcasm, wrapped in beauty and classiness, something she dearly appreciates. They’ve avoided talking about exactly how Caroline ended up on the supernatural sides of things with a heart-wrenching blood-lust she still has some slight problems controlling, for the sake of the mood.  Cerise can even say she has grown quite close to her, close enough to know she is just the right person she needs to keep her sanity in place whilst in here, the one person she will allow to get close to her, so close she could curl around her heart and gnaw at her ribs without Cerise digging her nails in her flesh in an attempt to pull her out of there, to liberate herself from her. She always very much appreciates she didn’t insisted on getting out of the house and has gone with the flow and remained with her on the couch to watch some movies, listen to some music and simply co-exist in the same house while learning small things about each other for the past three days.

Cerise shouldn’t be surprised that not one of her friends made an attempt at trying to initiate some type of contact between them and haven’t stepped into the house at all, not even called Caroline to ask about her. But she is, because she trusts Brandon and he said they are good people, mannered and interesting enough to pique her interest and keep her entertained for the length of her journey, things she believes to be false right now.

She finds that incredibly difficult to come to terms with for she is alone in the big house, Caroline nowhere in sight. Her friends have pursued her into coming out of it and going to town with them. Caroline, of course, insisted on dragging Cerise with her, but the timing was off for she was in the shower and still had a lot to do before she could even think about making her debut in town. She had ushered her out of her house, after having promised her she will go to the Grill once she was finished, and returned to her lukewarm bubble bath. She has no excuses for falling asleep in the bathroom, other than saying that it was heavenly. Nor does she has any for pacing in front of her bed whilst her phone was blowing up with phone calls and worried text messages that turned threatening after a while, all from Caroline. What in the world could she have said to her to explain her obvious absence? Nothing.

She got dressed, as casual as possible without giving off the impression that she’s trying too hard to get herself liked, put on some basic makeup she learned from one of her stylists, the winged eyeliner giving her some problems for the wings were anything, but equal. Fortunately, after some more tries, they are now close to being identical. She tells herself that people won’t be able to notice it, unless they go up in her face, thing she’d rather want to avoid.

Cerise brushes her hair, arranging a few strands of her hair in such way it would give off the impression she put on some effort in acquiring the look, slips into her sneakers and exists the house, taking some deep breaths of fresh air, wincing a little when the coldness of it burns her throat and lungs in an uncomfortable manner. She turns around, locking the house and hopping off the steps, going out in the street and trying to remember exactly what route she should take to reach the famous Grill. She could call a cab, but that would take away from the achievement of having reached it on her on while getting accustomed with the neighbourhood. So she lets out a sigh, pushes her chest out and starts going up the road, small smile on her face. This is going to be good.

//

Caroline is dangerously close to breaking something and she isn’t sure of the table is going to end up her victim or one of her friends whom she is sure will survive the snapping of a neck. To say she is extremely worried and concerned about her new friend’s safety is something that doesn’t need to be vocalized. She has been unable to put down her phone for the last few hours, and while she is sure her friends are starting to get obviously annoyed with her behavior, she doesn’t seem to find it in her to give a single fuck about them.

They think she’s stupid, clueless with her head in the clouds, incapable of understanding hardship and sacrifices and still naïve enough to fall for big, blinding smiles that are coated in fakeness and cynicism. She knows that, she knows that and bares her teeth in the mirror whenever she remembers one of the incidents in which they talked to her in a slow manner, as if she were a child unable to fucking understand them if they were to do it otherwise. And yet, she never voices out her thoughts, never actually scoffs or gives any hints she might not be as fucking stupid as they make out of to be. She doesn’t because that would ruin the balance between them and they would feel bad, and Caroline Forbes does not want to make anyone she even remotely cares about feel bad because of her.

She orders her sixth whiskey with coke in the last hour, ignoring the flabbergasted expressions of her friends as she taps her fingers impatiently against the glass, looking around the bar with hope in her eyes, trying to catch sight of her friend. She cares about her, more than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because she knows nothing about her traumas and having absolutely no reason to show her pity, or perhaps it is because she talks to her freely, about matters most of her friends avoid to engage in a conversation about with her. Most likely, the biggest factor is because she’s acting with her as if she were human, as if she were seventeen and normal and a teenager who still has a life before her she is excited about.

The sound of the door to the Grill opening along with a very familiar cherry scent hits her, pulling her out of her thoughts and in a moment, she’s up on her feet, almost sending the chair she was sitting on tumbling down as she jumps on her spot, running at human-sped to Cerise and enveloping her in one of her hugs she’s thankful the girl has grown accustomed to. She smells of sweat, cherries and other exotic fruits and laughter, life and other things she can’t put her finger on and it has an amazing effect on calming her down, soothing her nerves and making her forget about her worries for a split of a second. But Caroline Forbes isn’t one to forget so easily about the hardships she had encountered just moment ago that were all caused about her absence and lack of response to her inquiries and so, she pulls away, knitting her eyebrows and glaring slightly at the petite female who is smiling sheepishly at her, also trying to regain her breath and stop herself from bending and putting her hands on her knees.

“What in the world kept you from getting here faster?” she says, taking another step back and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Uhm, lots of stuff. You know—choosing the appropriate clothes, doing my makeup and hair and don’t even get me on how hard it was to get away from the bathtub. Jesus.” Cerise waves her hands around as she speaks, her eyes glistening with enthusiasm. This is one of the numerous things she adores about the girl and how easily she can be pleased. Caroline sighs in defeat, hooking her arm around the girl’s and pulling her towards the table her friends are at, dragging another chair with her for Cerise to sit on.

She places it right besides hers, pushing her down on it and taking her own place at the table, smile tattooed on her face. Finally, everything seems like fitting perfectly together.

//

She’s nervous. She has a lot of reasons to be so. Not having talked to any of Caroline’s friends for three days and basically having fallen off the face of Earth didn’t do good to her case when she is expected of to make friends with them, thing she’s gradually more and more inclined towards believing is an impossible task. They’re not bad looking or bad people and they’re close with Caroline which is a big plus in her eyes, but they are so adamant about being the first to take the step towards her, so adamant about openly welcoming her into their group that her confidence drops to the pits of hell whenever she faces them, this time being absolutely no different.

But of course, it is different. She has Caroline by her side, she’s no longer alone and she can always turn to face her and only her and talk about stuff that aren’t all that important but which entertain them greatly. She can always just say ‘fuck it’ and refuse to be friendly towards them and reflect their own behavior without feeling any guilt after it. She can always do that, but it doesn’t mean that it has anything to do with her personality, with how she handles things. She’s not a good person entirely, she has her flaws of which she is incredibly aware of, but she does like to be part of a community when she is force to live in a town and now she has someone to go to. And if she likes Caroline, she should at least try and like her friends as well. She can’t be selfish and pull her away from her old circle, manipulate her into spending time with her, for she is aware that while she will have to go away at some point, away and back to her own life and friends, Caroline will remain here, will eventually go on with her life and if she severs the ties she has with the townfolks for her sake, Cerise will never be able to forgive herself.

And thus, Cerise curls her lips in a tiny, warm smile as she lets herself take in the appearance of the people around her, take in their expressions. They’re not extremely welcoming, but they’re not exactly hostile either, which means they have grown used with the idea of her being around for a while, giving her the possibility of biting into her pride and keeping it in place as she starts a conversation with them she hopes won’t end after a few exchanged sentences. That would be awkward and she hates awkward the most.

“Hi there, guys.” She says in a small tone, tilting her head to the right to look at all of them. At first, they don’t show any obvious reaction to her words, but slowly, the start saying ‘hi’ to her, other more interested than the others and it’s good enough for her to feel confident again.

“What do ya want to drink?” Caroline’s voice makes her turn her head in her direction, chuckling when she sees her supporting her chin in her hand as she looks at her, rather bored. Cerise pursues her lips, thinking a little bit about it. She doesn’t know if she actually wants to get drunk, a little bit tipsy and let loose or just keep a clear heard. She decides that it doesn’t matter and shrugs her shoulders.

“Just fuck me up.” But she doesn’t have the time to actually grin or look smug, for she is overwhelmed by a fit of giggles that escalate in a full blown laughter session, Caroline following suit and slapping her thigh. She really loves the fact that Caroline somehow gets her sense of humour. It just makes everything easier.

“Got it.” Caroline nods, still giggling as she stands up and goes to the bar.

It’s silent while she’s away, not one of them daring to say anything and she has made her own effort. It’s their fault if they decide to be hard and not cut her some slack. Fortunately for both parties, Caroline returns shortly with a glass of something that once she brings her nose close to it, it burns her nostrils and realizes is bourbon.

Cerise raises a perfectly-shaped eyebrow at her. “Really, Caroline? Really?”

She can’t actually be upset at her choice, for Caroline is smiling at her and her smiles are so beautiful and so bloody addicting that she finds herself doing the same. Her smile is wiped off her face, however, when she takes a larger sip than intended from her drink, sending her into a coughing fit as she searches a napkin with her fingers on the table. She can hear some snickers and some side comments on it, but she is trying too hard not to laugh and make herself choke harder to actually turn around and say something about their extremely rude behavior.

Caroline pats her back with a worried expression on her face that has some strikes of amusement. Cerise can’t actually blame her for that. Heck, even she wants to laugh outloud at her reaction.

“I didn’t expect my words to be taken the literal way by whatever deity was listening.” She’s grateful she has the common sense to get out of the way and shrug Caroline’s hand off her, for she would have certainly ended up with a bruised or even broken bone by the way she laughs and hits the table with her hand, the drinks jumping slightly up the air and some even spilling some of its content over the rim of the glass.

Yeah, she’s really grateful for having Caroline in her life.

//

After a few more jokes, extra-strong drinks and side comments, the gang engages in a conversation with Cerise. They’re talking about trivial things, asking her question about her previous whereabouts and trying not to show their doubt about some of the things she’s saying. Cerise takes it as a very important first step towards a bright future, even if they’re still acting somewhat hostile towards her. She considers she has enough time to try and change that.

“I was actually planning on heading to London when Brandon called me, so excited he could barely articulate some of the words properly, and telling me to drop everything and head to Mystic Falls because he had arranged for me to stay with some of his friends.” She says in an amused voice as she takes a sip of her coke, having given up on her plan of getting drunk.

“And you didn’t find anything weird with that?” Bonnie, she assumes, pipes up.

“Brandon is impulsive, like I have said before, but he knows what is dangerous and what is not. He would never put me in a situation he knows I could never handle.” Cerise makes sure to keep her voice calm and not give into the irritation she feels. They are just so fucking curious about things she knows normally arouse such feelings, but she just can’t shake of the impression they are like this even more so with her.

“Good for you, Barbie! Finally found somebody as gullible as you!” Damon finally says, after hours of biting back his words, leaning forward and patting Caroline’s shoulder in a mocking way.

Cerise has been warned about Damon’s tactless self and the way he handles things. Caroline made sure to give her some details about each and every one of her friends, mentoring her in what she should and not react and expect of them, but that doesn’t mean that the gesture is something Cerise doesn’t find absolutely disrespectful. Just as Damon couldn’t keep himself from being an ass anymore, she can’t keep herself from being her temperamental self, not thinking twice about chugging her drink at his face and watching some of the coke drip on the surface of the table as she takes in the astonished expressions of the people around her.

“You really are a fucking ass, aren’t ya? So full of yourself. Well, let me fucking tell you something, you mother fucker. Making jokes at the expense of others just to make sure your bad-boy image remains intact, just to fucking make sure you have a word in a fucking conversation and nobody has forgotten about your goddamn pitiful existence is something that doesn’t sit well with most people. While these people” she stops to open her arms and gesture at the rest of the gang, “may be able to sit down and watch you being your usual despising self, I can’t. You don’t scare me, or intimidate me, or even have a chance at actually being anything but an asshole to me. “

She takes in a deep breath, her chest heaving up and down and it takes her few seconds to come to the realization that she has stood up during her speech and that the local has suddenly turned quiet and nothing can be heard besides her jerky breathing. She didn’t expect the paroxysm of anger to take over her so easily, for she has always been capable of hiding her true emotions, of putting on a smile and pretend she isn’t chocking on all the remarks that were tickling her throat to let them out. Cerise could easily blame it all on the alcohol, but she knows that would be just a fragment of the truth and she doesn’t want to hide behind the mask of a doll no longer.

“Come on, Caroline. We’re done here.” Cerise makes sure to scoff one more time in the direction of the blue-eyed vampire, before she gathers all of her stuff and gabs Caroline’s wrist, who is just as astonished at her reaction as the rest of them all. Cerise pulls her out of her seat and makes her way to the entrance door, not throwing one glance back to see that the rest of the gang are trying their best to hold Damon down, Damon who is barking threats at her back about the things he’s going to do with her when he catches her alone, threats that fall to deaf ears.

When they reach the parking lot, Cerise finally finds it in her to turn around and stare at Caroline, almost giggling when she sees her blank expression. But her amusement shortly disappears when she realizes that her friend is obviously incapable of driving the car, too distracted to take in the details and the twists on the road, and so, with a sigh, she starts patting her pockets until she finds the keys to the car she took with her, dragging her again.

She pushes her into the passenger’s seat before slipping into the one assigned to the driver’s, starting the engine and making sure they are going at a slow speed, for she is still tipsy and her reflexes are obviously not as strong as usually. They reach the house in a few minutes, in complete silent, none of them having found the courage or the right words to address what happened in the bar just moments ago. Cerise is actually thankful when Caroline gets out of the car on her own. Her arms are numb and she is so goddamn tired. She doesn’t think she would’ve been capable of dragging the female any more.

They only start talking when they reach the top of the stairs and Caroline initiates a conversation by letting out a very loud ‘wow’ that startles the fuck out of Cerise who quickly turns around and pushes her into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. There’s nobody to actually listen to them, but it has become a habit and she doesn’t intend on getting rid of it any time soon.

They stare at each other in silence for a few seconds, Cerise sporting a sheepish, nowhere near apologetic expression, and Caroline one of sheer amusement and incredulity and it doesn’t take long for both girls to burst out laughing, throwing their heads back (cerise ignores the stinging pain in the back of her head that resulted after the harsh contact with the door she forgot she was basically leaning against) and pointing their fingers at each other because of their incapability of forming any words.

They stop only when the muscles of their tummies hurt so badly they have to bend forward and wraps their arms around it. Their lungs are protesting against the action and they struggle to get some air into them. Even Caroline does so, Caroline who doesn’t need oxygen to survive, but she somehow forgets about that detail whenever she is around the girl. She is thankful for that, so thankful she doesn’t think she will ever admit it to Cerise’s face.

“My god, I fucked up didn’t I?” Cerise says between intakes of breath as she stares at Caroline.

“Hell yeah.”

“Good”

And off they are again, finding the strength in them to crawl into Cerise’s bed before collapsing on the mattress and laughing again, glad that they don’t really have to worry about waking anyone up or bothering anyone. And they don’t even question it in the morning when they wake up and Cerise is hugging and quite frankly drooling on Caroline’s legs, holding onto them as the girl is halfway on the floor, her back bent in painful positions she feels the aftermath of only for seconds. Cerise is jealous of her because of that and throws a pillow at her to show her disagreement before jumping out of bed and trying to beat Caroline to the bathroom.

They both never thought about the things going through Damon’s head or exactly what the others might be thinking about Cerise’s behavior.

sun and 

ocean blue, their

magnificence, it

doesn't make sense

to you.