Glass Counter Partition

She whispered to the other girl beside her who's the librarian of our school. She laughed… She seems to be mocking me.

I wonder what’s funny on what I said. My friends are just joking with the librarian and just like them I told her, “You can’t have a boyfriend”. We were joking about how she can’t have a boyfriend until she’s in college... Well, she’s a librarian IN A COLLEGE, working IN A COLLEGE. So literally she’s in college.

But this new face on the other side of this glass counter partition seems to be mocking and making fun of me. I guess it’s because I look young to be saying those. A lot of people told me, I looked young for my age that I look like a high-school student when I’m already 19 years of age. She’s the new cashier…

It seems to bother me on what she might have whispered. I don’t really care of what people think of me but I can’t seem to figure out why I’m so bothered or am I bothered? I don’t know.

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I always hear things about the new cashier. Same things actually, that she looks snob, she doesn’t smile and she looks unfriendly.

I don’t know. I don’t like to prejudge people. And when others do this, and they get to know the one they are prejudging they seemed to be always wrong. So I never really join anyone even my friends when they talk about her. Maybe she’s shy or maybe she has a problem. My friends though believe that she should be approachable and friendly on that kind of job.

Now some are saying that she’s slow, not mentally, slow in doing her work. I don’t know… Services on that department had always been slow. And maybe it’s been slower but she’s new.

They call her ma’am Jess. And I see that she’s boyish. Is she a lesbian? Or maybe she’s just boyish just like me.

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I enjoy reading Yuri fan fictions, watching Yuri love story movies. But that’s because I love reading and watching. I read and watch anything under the Sun. Well, not all, if you know what I mean.  Okay... I have watched some but I don’t normally do that. Just out of curiosity.

I have SNS friends who are lesbians, butch and femme and some are bi-femmes. Before when I’m in high school, although I knew and have gay and lesbian friends since grade school, I never thought of how they are in relationships, of course by that time what do I know about those things. And by the time I’m learning and realizing things, I was a little bit freaked out.

I was always boyish, not tomboy but just not girly. I enjoyed sneakers and jeans than sandals and skirts or dresses, and listens to alternative and pop rock. But I’m always convinced that I’m straight.

Until this past few months that I seem to weirdly enjoy daydreaming of kissing my celebrity girl crush. Weird and eww?? But no, it’s just the effect of reading too much Yuri fan fiction. I admired some real girls in reality like my lawyer teacher, but that’s just admiration, I never had a real girl crush. So I’m sure I’m still straight. I’m just boyish.