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by KhadijaMahmood
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angst
sad
originalcharacter
depression
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Tick tock. Tick tock.
The time starts to pass by but the shitty classes never seem to end. Diana stares at the blackboard, her vision is not focused but it's rather blurry cause of lack of sleep due to insomnia. The jerks of her class throw spit balls at her as she sits idle through out the whole scene, it's a daily routine. She wishes for nothing but to get out of the class and run back home, collapse on the bed and cut through her skin, feel the blood getting out, feel the sense of satisfaction take over her, and then fall into a deep slumber after taking a couple of pills. Yes she is the messed up teenager of this generation. But don't be surprised, she isn't the only one, but she is the only one around here. And that's basically why she gets treated like shit. She thinks she deserves it, and who knows maybe she even believes it. But no one cares to ask her, no one cares to love her. Because she is a broken girl, and broken girls are not to be loved, but rather to be broken more. The bullies in her class even throw random stuff at her, but she still sits silent. Still wishing for her sudden death. The teacher appears to be ignoring Diana's never ending daily ongoing misery. Again, no one pays attention to her, cause she's a broken girl and broken girls are not to be loved.
Later than she always expects, the school horror finally comes to it's ending and Diana runs back home as if her life depends on it. Her life is a constant battle between wanting to go back home from school and then running away from home. As to what some people utter at times about her, her life isn't that tragic at all. Her parents are fine together, but they don't pay much attention to her. The girls at school betrayed her and leaked all her secrets. The boys used her up and threw her out, the ones that now don't even glance one bit at her. The teachers started to criticize her more and more, her siblings ruined her in a whole different way, her parents didn't take her depression seriously, her grades fell, she was labeled, same old same old teenage misery. But what do you have when you take all that away ? A crying, sobbing, almost dying figure. The figure named as Diana.
She always comes home to see the loud chats and laughters going on in the dining area, but no one invites her, but today when she came back, much to her surprise and even her liking, there was no one. Meaning she could do whatever she wants. On the fridge there was a note saying that the whole family will be back near the midnight. She smiled wide at the note and set it aside at the table. Much exhausted from the day, she stares at the scars of the past that still appear fresh and new to the sight of the 16 year old. Her smile soon disappears when she realizes how much of a miserable fuck she is. At this age, people are supposed to be having the time of their lives, and yet she yearns for death. Her gaze lands on the drawer that holds the knives and sharp utensils, she quickly hovers to the area and bursts the drawer open. Her eyes are widened at the sight of the objects catching her full attention. Her mother would never let her in the kitchen but silly her she taped the note on the fridge. Diana hurriedly grabs the sharpest knife known to her little messed up mind and runs up to her room.
Collapsing on the bed, she sighs as heavy as she could and turns down the shades of the window right next to her bed. The room is now dark with a slight light blue lighting peeking through the now closed shades. She gets up from the bed and locks the door even though there is Nobody home. She takes off her uniform and changes into grey shorts and a white be neck shirt. She lets her petite body fall onto the bed and she screams at the top of her lungs due to the nerve wrecking pain taking over her not so flat stomach. She goes through this everyday. This all is due to bulimia, the same exact pain, the same exact spot, the same exact time. She is not the most skinniest, also not the most fattest. But she strives for impossible perfection. Two years of bulimia, destroyed teeth, destroyed menstrual cycle, destroyed throat, look where she is now. She is the best example of fucked up out there.
After living through the pain once more, she realized she had had enough of this. She is useless. She doesn't deserve to live. She is messed up, so messed up for God's sake.
"This is it"
She whispered to herself with tears as she took knife in her right hand and slit it as deep as possible. For a second she thought she didn't go deep enough so she was about to slit once more, but then suddenly, she fell on the floor. Blood was dripping right out of her widely-cut skin. Her vision was getting blurry, but she knew she couldn't go another day like this. So she accepted the fate that God had gifted her with and let the angels take her soul away.
Cause after all, she was a broken girl, and broken girls are not to be loved, broken girls are to be dead.
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Comments
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Ninaelneth on says about chapter 1:
oh my god, I actually had to look away for a moment and calm myself. This is so tragic because I know it seems to represent most of us teenagers and that just breaks my heart. But seriously, you wrote this beautifully with amazing descriptions and feeling.
EmptyPromises on says about chapter 1:
number 1: I really like this story.
number 2: The title is really, really nice. It fits the story really nicely since its about Diana not having anyone there for her. (and also because Avril Lavigne's song but that's not the main point).
number 3: your writing.
It's completely realistic. I can see many teenagers falling victim to this mindset. (at the 4th paragraph, I think you mean "fattest" instead of "most fat"?) Also -
"cause's she's a broken girl and broken girls are not to be loved."
"cause after all, she was a broken girl, and broken girls are not to be loved, broken girls are to be dead."
byzelo on says about chapter 1:
damn, that's tragic.
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