will i ever see you smiling back at me?

I start noticing him when we started to mix all the class for our batch and I started to like …no , I mean started to notice his existence at that moment when he entered the hall (lecture hall ) . he was smiling when he entered the hall, of course smiling to his friends, the other boys. As he opened the door to enter, I saw him. My eyes are wide opened.

 “ zelo !!!his face looks like zelo !!!!” , I shouted to my friends.

 Zelo is my bias . I really like and adore him . zelo was born in 1996 while I am borned in 1998 . just a year gap. That what makes me more interested in zelo. When I was shouting and saying about his face looks like zelo , I never know his name.

Yes, it is weird that how could I not know his name … and existence this 2 years and half he is in the same school and year with me, but that is a reality that I , myself could not figure it out.

for several months I had been stalking him and no one except these four friends know about obsessing him . but now, people know. Day after day, time passed away, my secret about me liking him leaked and the most terrible is, his classmates gendering females know! What should I do? I am scared to death that they will talk about me liking him in the class!and what if he hear about this!! This will get shame on me!

I am guaranteed sure that he don’t ever know me,before . like how I don’t know him ,too. But now , … I don’t know.

My zelo,    I mean he-who-looks-like-zelo has a very kiddy personality, same with real zelo. He is shy in front of girls but numb when he is with boys. Same with real zelo.

I always look at him , waiting for him , hoping for him to pass by my class ,but ain’t see his eyes notice me . I will be caught !

There was once , at night ,I and my other 3 friends were walking . we  used the path to boys’ canteen as it is weekend and probably not many boys use the path . I was playing around with my friends while wearing my spectacles .after a moment, my one of my friends who knows about me liking him ,touched my shoulder . I don’t understand whether she was asking me to stop joking because there is a boy, or because zelo’s –alike coming.

When I look far in front of me , my heart went thump!thump!thump! …zelo!!! We are walking in the opposite way, in which I had to pass him to go to my destination. I don’t why he was looking at me without a single blink. I also looked at him.when I think back, I felt like to slap myself. Why am I making it more obvious???!!! Ah!!i should not look at him . looking at him ,eye to eye is making a strong proof that I always look at him. We locked eyes along our way. So long… the time…

There is also once i was playing under a tree. my friend came to me and told me that he was lookng at me . yes , when i turned to look , he was looking straight at me , with his glasses worn .i quickly turned away and hid from him. i was very nervous. what is his feeling towars me?

Can I turn back the time?...i just want to look at you peacefully ... without anyone's knowing ...