When It All Clears

It was quiet when he woke, eyes opening in a questioning manner upon feeling movement beside him on the bed. Turning his head he saw another man with short black hair, broad shoulders and muscular arms. Like his own, his body was littered with scars, some large and some small but the lighter tissue evenly apparent on his sun-kissed skin. Memories of hiding away in this lonesome room, far away from the festive people, reminded him that it was all over now.

He sat up and brought a knee to his chest, holding on to keep from falling back. Despite his bulky frame he looked vulnerable; beaten, broken and tired. If only it had all been a terrible nightmare, he thought remorsefully. The deep sigh he emitted stirred emotions inside this rough though crumbling exterior. It was all settling in; their losses and sacrifices.

“That was a soul-shattering sigh..” a soft, drowsy voice mumbled.

His companion shifted, turning onto his back while running a hand through his hair, smoothening it in place after their desperate night together. Those moments of ecstasy were no longer on their minds, never had been for a very long time. They were only meant to escape reality for a little while, until they came crashing back down on Earth.

“’We shouldn’t be celebrating their death’, is what you’re thinking, right?” the man said when he kept silent, watching him once more.

His brows knotted gently in wonder and curiosity.

“I’ve been watching you for a long time, Reiner. To me, you’re easy to read” Bertholdt clarified with a small smile that was meant to sooth his partner’s concerns.

“Then you must think of me as a fool” the blond replied solemnly.

“No” the other spoke more firmly like his words were law.

They watched each other quietly, Reiner’s eyes yearning for Bertholdt’s praises, his words of comfort and inspiration. At times like these, which were uncommon, their difference in power truly surfaced. It was Bertholdt’s strong mind that had stabled him throughout the years. Had it not been for his calm and collected persona, they wouldn’t have been able to return to their village at all. Returning to this bed, this room, this house, this town, was all Bertholdt had ever thought about and it had pulled them through when Reiner was deceived and delusional.

His large figure rose from the bed. With his hands he cupped Reiner’s face and angled his head to receive his lips. The pressure was light, just a simple reminder of who they were and what they meant, together. “I’ve always thought of you as amazing” he murmured sincerely.

Reiner snorted softly, turning his head away from Bertholdt’s gentle touch. “Thanks” he retorted. Only seconds after lowering his head to his knee, he was forced back onto the bed, the sudden grip on his arms alarming him slightly. His companion hovered above him with startling green eyes.

Words were lost between them. Bertholdt had parted his lips to convince Reiner of his words, but the sight of red rimming the blonde’s eyes silenced him. In their time together he had seen him weep only twice; once at the loss of their childhood friend and once when facing the humans they had acquainted in battle. Reiner, despite his tough features, was such a fragile man. Bertholdt realized with an apologetic look that the blonde had yet to distance himself from that façade. He lingered in the past where fond memories made him weep at the loss of people they had treated as comrades while in fact, they were wolves in sheep’s clothing.

“Would you cry if I died?” the large man asked. His grip loosened on Reiner’s arms, fingers trailing up to wipe solidary tears from the man’s eyes.

“You’re not allowed to die” Reiner responded with a voice so strained it made Bertholdt’s chest ache.

He saw the unspoken words in his yellow eyes: ‘not you, anyone but you’.

“Would you cry?” he asked once more, counting the tears he continuously caught with his thumbs.

Reiner’s eyes closed, picturing himself on this bed alone knowing his partner wouldn’t be here to stroke his cheeks so tenderly. He nodded at Bertholdt’s questioning and swallowed with difficulty.

“Don’t cry, Reiner. I don’t want to see you like this ever again” Bertholdt requested resting his forehead against his. He was patient, because he knew Reiner would forget about the humans in time and with those fading memories his tears would also disappear. To assure he’d never again have to feel Reiner clutching his body with quivering hands, body jerking uncontrollably to keep from sobbing, Bertholdt would become the sole person in his life he’d ever care for.

It was all over now. With no further expectations, Reiner could finally be what Bertholdt wanted him to: his.