The Confused Romance

The world was ending. Everyone knew that. It wasn’t earthquake or tsunami or whatever bullshits the government kept on telling us. It is all a damn lie. Everyone knows that the world is being under attack by what they call Kaijus. Tearing down our buildings like they are just papers, going through hills like it was just water. Oh yeah my country is that bad.

It was getting rough in the auditorium. Everyone was screaming and hugging each other. I didn’t had anyone because I didn’t have a lot of friends or the fact that no of them came along for the stupid motivation speech? It wasn’t my choice to go but my counselor signed my name up and yeah here I am, in an auditorium full of girls crying and hugging. The dudes were trying to act cool but honestly, they are the one causing the havoc by trying to joke around in this terrible and terrifying situation. I don’t know why the people are keeping us in the auditorium. This auditorium is a freaking buffet line for the gigantic beasts.

I glanced over my right shoulder as I felt like someone was watching me. I found myself making an eye contact with my ex-boyfriend, Lance. The memories of the time we had together flashes back into my head and after that the pain I had to go through in order for me to move on but still it fail whenever I see him. I quickly turned my head to avoid anymore second to be in my happiest/saddest moments of my life. It’s funny how I never cry for him or anything about him. I just went through a lot of thinking and thoughts about what did I do wrong. But I guess I can never find out. I stared down to my shivering hands and lost in thoughts. I got to get out of here.

I stared at heavily guarded auditorium door. That is the only way out. The door was guarded by two armed police officers. The policemen looked bored and frustrated. They were not happy with the work given to them. They should be out there helping the people instead of babysitting teenagers. They spoke to each other something and walked out of the auditorium. I took my chances and made my way to the door. I leaned my ears over and listened to them talking.

“What the hell are we doing here? We’re supposed to be out there, doing real police job. Not over here guarding some crying naïve teenagers,”

“Quiet down, Jacob. They might hear you. Besides this is consider a big job,”

“It doesn’t matter if they hear us. They are going to die anyways. They are the sacrifices that had to be given for the Kaijus. In half an hour time, they are all gone and dead and finally we can have our Earth back,”

I was shivered down to my spine. That is why we are all here. We are a buffet to those damn Kaijus. Someone tapped my shoulder and did a little jump.

“Shit, Prasad. You scared the shit out of me. What do you want?”

“Do you know what is going on?” Lance asked who was behind Prasad.

I pointed to the door and signaled them to eavesdrop the police officers. Prasad, Lance and Yo Hang leaned over to the door for a long time. But they eyes were growing bigger and they legs were growing weak. They were shaking and shivering. They walked quietly towards me.

“What the fucking hell are they talking about?” Prasad cursed.

“Feed us to the Kaijus. Is a way for them to leave Malaysia for at least one decade,”

“So what are we supposed to do?” Yo Hang asked.

“We have to leave now. We got no choice and we can’t take everyone with us. I actually don’t really give a single shit about them. I don’t know them and they judged me before they even know my name. Sucks to be them. So it’s your choice whether you want to follow me or not. But I’m leaving now. I’m too young to die,”      

I slipped past through the guards and ran towards the secret door that I found and heard. I pushed the door as hard as I can and ran up the stairs. Lance, Prasad and Yo Hang were right behind me. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could and slide into the next floor. In the next floor, small beasts in cockroach shell and standing on two feet were scrambling around looking for fresh flesh to eat. Thanks to Prasad’s unnecessary loud and annoying laugh, we got their attention. They screeched at us and started running towards us.

We were running again. We were running up the stairs again with all the oversize cockroaches chasing after us. The cockroaches climbed and crawled all over the wall and the stairs to get to us. We kept on running up the stairs and we came by a door. I remember entering into a door and everything changes.

There were no more screeching cockroaches but just panic looking teachers around, desperately trying to get the terrified kindergarten students to stay in line and keep calm. I felt pity for the kids because they had to go through hell in such small age. They had to go through so much of fear and pain and death in their life. So young and innocent but yet they knew everything about hell and death. I heard Prasad yelling my name but I couldn’t move and I don’t know why. Lance grabbed my hand from the back and pulled me towards another flight of stairs.

There we go again. We were climbing up the stairs along with the little kids. Prasad was pretty determined that this is the way to safety because of the amount of kids, teachers and firefighters running up and down. This is the right place to seek protection. Lance’s grip on my wrist got pretty tight because he didn’t want me to left behind. He was so desperate for me to keep up.

“Come on, Amy. Keep up. We’re almost there,” lance said and looked back to me.

With his touch on my skin, I hear my heart beating so loudly as if my heart is just right beside my ear and he got my legs shaking and my stomach doing gymnastic. A small smile crept onto my face because I realize I couldn’t stay away from him. I still…love him. I guess.

“Come on, Amy. We’re going to be safe. Just a few more steps,” he said and smiled.

Soon, we came face to face with a grey door and Prasad pushed it open without hesitating. We are safe.

After going through that door, everything changes. There were no screeching cockroaches, panicking teachers or terrified kids. It was an outdoor café under the bed of stars and a yellow full moon. Everyone here is some calm as though as the Kaijus never existed. They were just sipping their coffee, chit-chatting and eating cakes. Did the world once I knew disappear? Was those scary Kaijus a dream? If that is a dream, then Lance who was holding my hand too was just a …dream. I look down onto my hand with the hope of the familiar touch but it failed me. There was no Prasad, Yo Hang and no Lance. It was all just a stupid thoughts and useless thinking. Lance would never be here. Why would he be?

Why am I thinking about him a lot?

Why can’t I forget about him easily like the way he forget about me easily and dated two other girls after that?

Why do I have to have feelings for him?

Why do I have to miss him right now?

Why do I have to love him?

Sadness and grief filled me inside when I sat on a bench alone under the silent dark sky. I stared up to the shining stars and the questions and memories flooded back into my mind. My shattered heart was screaming in my chest and was begging me to heal it. I squeezed my thighs and felt my nails digging into my jeans. I was holding back my tears because I didn’t want to seem weak or a crybaby. I didn’t want to cry because of a boy, a fail love story. It seems a little nonsense and childish. I did feel sad and angry but I will not shed a tear for a guy who doesn’t appreciate the things and sacrifice I made for him. I will not do that because it will proof that I had lost to him in mentally wise. I had my eyes shut tight and mentally telling myself to stop thinking about him. But then, his voice was kept on replaying in my head like a mantra. The voice grew louder every second. And then, I realize that the voice is not only in my head but it is really happening.

There was him. Lance Samuel Walters sitting right beside with two Starbucks white cups in his hands. I stared up to his handsome looking face and his perfect face structures. Although there are some imperfections about his face but to me, it is perfect. He gave one of the cups to me without looking at my face and stared up to the dark yet shining sky.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he spoke.

“Yes, it is. The way the stars shine in the dark night like a sparkle of hope in a lost soul,”

“Indeed. Just like the sparkle I felt when I hold your hand just now,”

I stared up at him and he did the same.

“Those were real? I wasn’t dreaming?”

“Of course they were real. Amy, you might don’t want to listen but please just listen to me,” Lance took a sip of his drink, cleared his throat and held my hands.

“Amy, all this while I never knew what was missing. I felt an empty hole in my heart. I felt like a part of me is missing. I never felt completed. The football game that we won second place didn’t fill the empty spot, the girls I dated after you didn’t fill the empty spot either. The girls I flirt with wherever I go didn’t the missing puzzle in my heart-,”

“Lance, if you’re going to continue any of those sweet and nonsense words, I am going to throw up. Just get to the point and tell me sweet words later,” I interrupted.

“Amy, I want you back. I’m sorry for breaking your heart but I will fix it. I will try my best to fix your broken heart and I will give you back the happiness that you deserve. I was wrong for letting you go. I regretted it every single day of my life. I always think about you. You’re always in my mind. I’m so sorry for what I have done. Please give me a second chance. I will change. Please, Amy.”

“Huff. You want me back? What am I? Some kind of Barbie doll for you to like and then don’t like and throw me away. You think it is easy for me to go through the pain every day and keep telling myself how useless am I to not deserve you. Dude, you think I was happy to see you with another girl and I’m here thinking about how much better that girl is. And now, you want me back? Lance, I like you a lot. Like really really really a lot and you just threw mw away like I’m a piece of rotten bread. Oh yeah and the times when I tried to get along with you, you ignored me. I was just trying to be a friend to you but you just cut me out. How do you think I would have felt? I felt so damn worthless because that is how ’important’ I am to you. Now you want me back?” I stopped for a while and shut my eyes. Again, I held back my tears. I will not shed a tear for this asshole.

“I just didn’t understand why you let me go. I really don’t get it even now. First you said you didn’t want to hurt me anymore which you eventually did. Then, you said you couldn’t stand being with me because I was too sensitive and I cried for every little bit thing. After that, I heard people telling me that you and Jarett were having a bet on who got a girlfriend first. Then, I heard from someone else that you were convinced by my ex-best friend to break up with me because I wasn’t appreciating you or making you happy. I wasn’t the one for you and you can find other girls who can do it. I don’t know what the truth is and I was afraid of the truth,”

“Is that why you wouldn’t cry anymore in front of anyone because you were afraid people would call you an over-sensitive person? Is that why you are holding those tears right now?”

“Yes. You talked about missing piece in your heart. Do you know what you did to my heart? You shattered it into pieces until the pieces of my heart can’t stitch back.  Your missing piece of heart, my ass, Lance. My heart is gone because of you,”

“Then after me, why didn’t you find someone else to help you stitch back those broken pieces?”

“Because there IS no one better than you, there is no one but you, Lance. I can’t get over you like you did so easily. I’m not you. I really like you, more than you can imagine. I can’t say I’m in love because I wasn’t in love with you. I wish I was but thank God, I didn’t,”

And again I tried hard not to shed a tear. Out of expectations, Lance gave me a hug. It’s the first time he hugged me. Well it is pretty obvious that I was shock.

“I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. I know what I did was wrong. Please let me change that. Please let me do something right for you. I want to be with you, Amy. I just realize that all the girls were not you. I tried to replace you. I tried to forget you that is why I went for someone else. But the thing is they are not you. They are not the ‘Amy’ they are not you. I realize that no one can replace you. You’re who you are and that’s probably why I can’t keep away from you,”

“Then, Lance, why did you break up with me?”

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What do you think is the reason? Comment your opinion.   

Sorry guys. This story was based on my dream and this how my dream ended. Yes, it is confusing but that is the whole point of it.

If there is anything you want to ask or to know, don’t be shy to ask!

XOXO

-A-