Space Madness

CHAPTER 5

"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE FINAL SHORT!" Mettaton laughed as the last episode began playing at long last.

EPISODE 4: SPACE MADNESS

"Entry #42: Greetings, Earthlings. From the looks of things, it would seem that Undyne and I have been trapped on this godforsaken ship in outer space for at least 100 years now. Over the years, we...honestly haven't discovered anything. I honestly wish I could just die, but that sadly wasn't written into the script, now was it?" Alphys monologued with her mind; both her and Undyne had their brains hooked up to the ship's supercomputer system with space tubes.

"Entry #43: Still, it seems like we've somehow managed to remain about the exact same age over the years...which seems impossible, but I mean, hey, I'm a freaking fish, what do I know?" Undyne monologued through her own mind as the two of them just sat there...

and sat there...alone, mind you...

and sat there, until a digital bell eventually rang inside the ship, signaling that it was time for lunch as Alphys and Undyne hastily ran into the ship's dining room.

"Oh goodie, spinach-stuffed meatloaf from Planet X, my FAVORITE!" Alphys groaned as Undyne dug right into her alien-slime Jello and eyeball pudding with glee.

"At this point, I'm surprised I haven't already forgotten what meat even TASTES like..." Undyne sighed, briefly envisioning Alphys as a scrumptious chicken drumstick.

"Um, Undyne...why are you drooling over me?" Alphys asked.

"Same reason YOU'VE been drooling over ME, sucker!" Undyne laughed as the two of them flew all over the place and chased each other all around the room, trying to eat each other.

"Ah, screw it, there's no point in even TRYING anymore..." Undyne sighed, leaning her hand into her palms in compntemplative boredom as she resumed her work on the ship's supercomputer.

Meanwhile, Alphys was starting to go a bit off the deep end yet again as she took off her space suit and was left wearing only her bra and underwear.

"Give me a nice warm bath, please!" Alphys commanded the ship, which then provided her with a large, floating, rectangular cube of water (this WAS outer space, after all) to bathe in.

"Oh, how I wish that this water could also wash away my horrible, dreadful sins in addition to all of the built-up physical filth covering my skin right now..." Alphys sighed as a loose DVD copy of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 suddenly floated into her hands.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Senpaice Cream Bar! How's it going?" Alphys grabbed the DVD case and asked it, imagining that it was literally a living ice cream bar, in the shape of one of her favorite anime boys, speaking to her.

"Huh? How's my life been? Oh, you know, not too exciting, apart from me accidentally melting innocent people together into the horrific eldritch spawn of Cthulhu and dancing to the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie theme song in my underwear and making out with my body pillow of Undyne because I'm too pathetic to just make out with the real thing and decorating my vagina with lipstick and planting spy cameras in Toriel's shower and crossdressing as Cloud Strife and-"

ONE FULL MINUTE LATER...

"-and probably being on a crash collision course with the Sun right about now, so you know, THAT'S always good to hear, RIGHT?!" Alphys finally finished as Undyne banged her head against her computer desk in frustration.

"Oh, how I long for the taste of good old-fashioned Earth food..." Alphys sighed, beginning to visualize and remember what her favorite foods looked like with the help of the ship's holographic image processor.

"Oh, PAD THAI...STIR FRY...FRIED RICE...INSTANT NOODLES...RICE CAKES...A GLAZED DOUGHNUT..." Alphys moaned, drooling at the mouth as the ship displayed each food to her.

"OH, how the mighty have fallen..." Alphys sighed. "But not you and me, pal! We'll be together forever and ever and EVER! (kiss, smooch)"

"Some people think I'm...well...a bit on the CRAZY side. But in truth, it is not I who am crazy; it is I who am MAD!" Alphys laughed, holding the DVD case with her feet as Undyne's eye began to twitch nervously.

"OH, my beloved Senpaice Cream Bar...how I love to lick your dreamy center!" Alphys moaned with delight as she passionately licked the DVD set of her absolute least favorite movie.

"OH, you're so delightfully handsome I could just gobble you right up...NOMMM!" Alphys moaned as she opened her mouth as wide as it could possibly go in a comically overexaggerated fashion and bit the entire top-left corner off of her DVD case.

"NOMMM!" Alphys made the exact same ridiculous sound effect and mouth motion yet again as she then proceeded to also bite the entire top-right corner off of her DVD case, then chewed up both of the combined corner pieces in her mouth and swallowed them.

"Now, now, we've all heard of people being relationship-compatible with each other before, but you and me, pal...we're GOLDEN! You even like the exact same shit I do! Anime, alcohol, junk food, karaoke, drugs, bad hygiene...we're no longer hitchhiking, pal, we're RIDING!" Alphys laughed manically as blood began to drip from her mouth.

"Um, Alphys, I'm starting to think that your current obsession with that thing JUST MIGHT be a LITTLE bit excessive and unhealthy, don't you think?" Undyne warned her frightenedly.

"WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU?! I'VE HAD THIS SENPAICE CREAM BAR EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD! STUPID, CRAZY PEOPLE! ALWAYS TRYING TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME! WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE ME...ALONNNE!" Alphys screamed in pent-up rage, shattering her bath cube into a million tiny water particle fragments as Undyne tackled her onto the ground.

"Alphys, you need to lay off that goddamned space weed RIGHT NOW!" Undyne yelled at her angrily.

"BACK OFF, MAN!" Alphys growled at her, backing up against the wall and grabbing a feather duster. "DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS FRICKIN' THING!"

"Come on, what in the hell are you EVER going to do to ME with a freaking FEATHER DUSTER?" Undyne laughed, slowly advancing toward Alphys.

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! YOU'VE! FORCED ME TO USE IT!" Alphys yelled overdramatically at Undyne, taking the feather duster and ramming it up her own vagina...then pulling it out.

"IT'S FUCKING CRUSTY NOW! THAT'S MY ATTACK!" Alphys laughed maniacally as Undyne lunged forward and tackled her onto the ground for real this time.

"M-MERCY..." Alphys coughed and choked as she finally gave in and passed out.

"Huh? Where...where AM I?" Alphys asked Undyne, waking up dizzily in yet another room full of computers, blinky flashy lights, and not much else.

"We are now in the ship's central hull chamber." Undyne explained. "Now let's see what this big red shiny button here does-"

"DON'T TOUCH IT! IT'S THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON, YOU FOOL!" Alphys yelled at her, smacking her hand away and showing her the label on it. "CAN'T YOU FREAKING READ?!"

"Well...not very well..." Undyne shrugged, blushing a little. "Well, what if I just wanna see what happens when I press it?"

"EXACTLY!" Alphys shrugged. "Who KNOWS what'll happen if we push that damned thing?! Maybe something BAD, MAAAYBE something GOOD! I guess we'll never KNOW!"

All of a sudden, at that exact moment, Danny DeVito appeared out of nowhere and began narrating Undyne's incredibly bizarre predicament!

"And now we have Undyne the FEESH lady, being thoroughly persuaded by Alphys the TREAAASH lizard not to press that filthy, stinking red button!" Danny announced.

"But that's not what you Undertale TREEEASH folks REALLY came here for, is it? No, you just wanted to see Alphys and Undyne FUCK each other, didn't cha?" Danny snickered.

"Well, NOT TODAY, folks! Now it looks like we're gonna have to answer one last final BURNING question that burns like my shit after I eat a shit-ton o' hot sauce on my drumsticks: WILL?! UNDYNE?! BE ABLE?! TO RESIST?!" Danny yelled at the top of his lungs, wiping the sweat off of his forehead with a handkerchief.

"Can Undyne FIGHT back the irresistable, magical allure of the glistening, bright red button? The jelly, DONUT-LIKE button? Will she hold out, folks? CAN she hold out?! WILL SHE?!" Danny yelled overdramatically at the top of his aching lungs as Undyne finally snapped.

"NO, I CAN'T!" Undyne screamed at the top of her lungs, attempting to slam her finger straight down onto the button...but thankfully, Alphys and Danny somehow managed to catch it at the last split-second!

Meanwhile, while that craziness was going on, Sans and Chara were duking it out in one last epic final clash situated right in the eye of a fiery supernova whirlwind storm in outer space...and were now flying directly toward each other at light-speed, preparing themselves for the final blow!

"WATASHI WA SHINEN...SHINENNNZUUU! (I WILL NOT DIE...NORRR WILL MY DREAAAM!)" Sans screamed in Japanese at the top of his nonexistent lungs in a fit of pure blind rage, summoning his Gaster Blasters and firing a shitstorm of laser beams at Chara.

"DETERMINATION...PUNNNCH!" Chara yelled valiantly at the top of his lungs as he pulled his fist back and unleashed a devastatingly powerful punch right into Sans' bony little face.

"DANNY, HANG ON!" Alphys begged Danny, who was already beginning to lose his grip on Undyne's arm.

"URRRAAAHHH!" Sans screamed in agony as his entire body disintegrated into dust, leaving Chara to simply drift away into the cold, dark silence of outer space with a sadistic grin on her face as the entire galaxy began to collapse from the inside.

At the exact moment that Undyne finally broke through Alphys' and Danny's restraints and pressed the History Eraser Button, the entire galaxy imploded in a dazzling, rainbow-colored flash of light, shooting an enormous laser beam across the entire universe!

Well, that was certainly something.

EPISODE 4 END