Chapter Twenty-two

Content Warning

This story contains graphic depictions of sexual content. Please be aware that the scenarios depicted are fictional and not an accurate or comprehensive representation of real-life sexual experiences, particularly between two men.  

It’s important to emphasize that sexual intimacy, especially between men, involves preparation, communication, and care that cannot be fully captured or conveyed in a fictional narrative. The reality is nuanced, layered, and deeply personal, and it’s vital to prioritize safety (use condoms, everyone), consent, and mutual respect in all intimate situations. 

Furthermore, please don’t rely on fictional media or content found online as a substitute for proper sexual education. You might think you know everything you need to know because you consume stories that depict sexual intimacy, however, I am here to tell you: No, you don’t. Always seek reliable, evidence-based information, and don’t hesitate to consult trusted sources or professionals if you have questions.

Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and enjoy the story responsibly. 

Author’s Note: This story is set in an alternate universe, in an imaginary town and country, and during an ambiguous time period.

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“I don’t know what you’re talking about” echoed in Kazir’s head all the way home, all evening, and late into the night.  

Sitting on his bed, his world still spinning, he wondered if Adisa’s nonplussed and mortified expression would find its way into his dreams, too.  

Kazir had wanted to explain and tell him the truth, but something had stopped him. He wasn’t sure if it was the shame, the years of hiding his omega status, or the fear of what it would mean to confess it now, to him.  

He had lived as a beta for so long, hiding behind that false identity for decades, that the idea of revealing the truth now felt insurmountable. He wasn’t sure who he was more afraid of disappointing—Adisa or himself.  

Their parting had been awkward.  

What did this all mean for their budding friendship? Did they still have one?  

What was now going on between them?  

Why had Adisa asked him that question and confessed what he had?  

He couldn’t be attracted to him. He looked nothing like an omega, the sort of omegas that alphas hungered for, the kind that fit the mold society had sculpted over centuries. This thought brought him shame, not because of who Adisa was, but because it forced him to confront something he didn’t want to admit.  

Seeing Adisa as a man, as an alpha, made him question himself. Was he ashamed of his second gender? He had never thought so—not until now. He had always been proud of who he was, or at least, he had believed that to be true. But acknowledging this attraction, this pull toward Adisa, felt like a betrayal of everything he had built.  

For years, he had lived his life in defiance of what the world expected of an omega. To feel drawn to Adisa now felt like capitulating to the very system he had resisted. It felt like failing everyone who shared his struggles. He had something to prove—to himself, to society, to everyone.  

And yet, here he was. His thoughts spiraled, and the shame curdled into self-loathing. How could he let himself feel so weak? How could he want something that threatened to unravel everything he had fought to become?  

Adisa’s question looped endlessly in his mind. Was it the shame?  

Crushing his face in his hands, Kazir wondered if the shock of Adisa’s question was why he felt so horrible, hot all over, as if he was coming down with a cold or like he had a fever.  

Why did it feel as if the more he learned, the less he knew?  

Kazir couldn’t stop thinking about the look Adisa had given him. He had asked so gently, as though he already knew. Maybe he did know and was trying to discuss something completely different with him.  

Dropping on his bed like a sack filled with rocks, he curled into the fetal position.  

Adisa knew. He was certain of that. His lie hadn’t done anything but destroy whatever friendship they still had.

Kazir tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. His mind, restless, kept circling back to Adisa, to the animal magnetism between them and images of the way Adisa looked at him when they met outside of the conference room and the way he had stepped nearer, inhaling his scent. The image burned in his mind until it twisted into something darker, something more primal.  

Maybe all the years of his perceived asexuality was finally catching up to him—he was sexuality frustrated. That was all.

When he fell asleep, Adisa met him in his dreams.  

A lewd and sultry dream he had never had about anyone before, not even when he first hit puberty.  

His body burned with an alien, feverish desire. But he instantly could detect what it was he was feeling. The heat wasn’t just from within—it was from Adisa, whose presence in his bedroom seemed strange but normal at the same time. As if he had always been there. Like it was his natural place.  

His presence seemed to amplify the fire licking through Kazir’s veins.  

Adisa sat on the edge of his bed, wearing the same clothes from the Saturday he’d been over at his place. Kazir could feel Adisa’s eyes on him, the weight of his gaze settling over him like a shroud.  

He extended his hand, palm up, without uttering a word. Kazir understood his tacit request.  

Kazir’s breath hitched as he felt his body literally floating towards Adisa and reached out to grab his equally large hand. His breath hissed through his teeth when he slid his fingers through his and locked their hands together, and he pulled him down, forcing him to straddle him. Faces a few inches apart, he gently ran his hand through his hair, his fingers curling at the nape of his neck. Tendrils of happiness and desire slid down his spine. Adisa freed his hand and ran his own hands down his back to cup his butt-cheeks.

Kazir’s eyes, half-lidded with desire, locked onto Adisa’s mouth. He had never noticed before how beautiful it was—plush, smooth, the kind of mouth that made you think about what it would feel like against your skin. How had he never noticed?  

Squeezing his cheeks, a soft, almost hesitant whisper brushed against his ear. “I want you.”

The words sent a shockwave through Kazir’s body, igniting every nerve like a match to dry kindling.  

Adisa’s lips grazed the shell of his ear, trailing slowly down his neck, each open-mouth, wet kiss leaving behind a burning path of sensation. Kazir couldn’t move—he was frozen, caught between his desire and the overwhelming fear of what might a dream of this nature implied.  

He knew this was only a dream, but this was clearly his desire playing out in front of him. He wanted Adisa, but he didn’t want to want him in this way.

Adisa pressed the full length of his body against his, his warmth searing into Kazir’s feverish skin. Kazir gasped and shuddered helplessly in pleasure on his lap. The room felt like it was closing in on them, the only thing grounding Kazir was the solid feel of Adisa’s body against his own. He could feel every inch of Adisa—solid, sure, and impossibly close. He loved it.

Adisa gently caressed his chin with the smooth pad of his right thumb and forefinger, staring up at him. Breathing hard on his cheek, Adisa asked again, his voice was soft but thick with desire, each word grazing Kazir's jaw like a gentle spark, fanning the ache growing inside him, “May I kiss you?”

A shiver ran down his spine, and a deep thrill sat heavy in his stomach, making his heart pound in his chest as his mind slowly went blank. Adisa's voice was soft but thick with desire, each word grazing Kazir's jaw like a gentle spark, fanning the ache growing inside him. It felt so real. And he wanted him and this so desperately his teeth ached.

He tipped his head down slightly, lips parted, inviting Adisa closer, unable to find his voice. Adisa’s hand slipped from his chin to cradle his cheek, fingers trailing slowly across his skin, igniting him in ways he had never felt.

“Yes? No?”

He could feel Adisa’s lips hovering just millimeters from his own, the tension building as if the world had come to a halt around them. 

Even in his dream, it felt monumental to share his real, genuine feelings. Sucking it up, he nodded, his head foggy.

Adisa smiled up at him.  “Yes?”

He nodded again.

It felt as though time itself held its breath, waiting for them to close the distance. Electricity surged through Kazir, his chest tight with the intensity of his longing, yet he barely dared to breathe, his pulse racing wildly.

“Open your mouth,” Adisa murmured, his voice low and rough with need.  

The command was simple, but the effect it had on Kazir was anything but. His whole body responded, heat surging through him like molten lava. 

Adisa’s hands slid under his T-shirt—and Kazir arched into how cool fingers and vivid his touch was—and moved over his bare skin, the temperature and pressure of his fingers sending shivers down Kazir’s spine. It was as if this was real and as if nothing else mattered—there was only this moment, the connection between them, the raw, unfiltered desire that had been held at bay for far too long.  

Adisa’s cupped Kazir’s left butt-cheek, pulling him closer into a tender, possessive embrace. His kiss was heated. His lips were hot and insistent. The sensation was intense, real, consuming him completely, and he felt his hands gripping Adisa's shoulders, pulling him even closer, wanting to melt into him, needing more of this fire that Adisa seemed to stoke so effortlessly. Kazir’s heart hammered against his chest, and in that moment he felt bare, completely vulnerable. All the walls he had built dissolved under Adisa’s touch.  

Fire bloomed in his chest, coiling down his body, pooling low in his belly. The pleasure was overwhelming, so intense that Kazir had to focus on breathing, fearing that if he didn’t, he’d explode from the sensation of it all.  

He sucked on his tongue, kissing him like he had never dared imagine being kissed.  

When their lips parted, Adisa grinned against his cheek before he dropped a kiss there. And Kazir groaned, softly gyrating on his lap. Adisa slid his smooth, warm hands up and down the bare skin of his back as his lips moved against his skin, pressing soft kisses down his neck and across his jaw. Kazir’s mind spun in a haze of pleasure, his breath coming in short, shallow bursts.  

The moment was electrifying—intense yet gentle, passionate yet delicate. Kazir reached out, his hand resting on Adisa’s chest, feeling the solid muscle beneath his shirt. Adisa’s scent enveloped him, intoxicating, overwhelming, and so uniquely him. Every breath Kazir took was filled with Adisa, every touch reaffirming the pull between them.  

He wanted this—he wanted him.  

Just as Kazir surrendered to the moment, he jolted awake with a start, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily, his heart pounding. He felt pain all over his body when he realized it had just been a dream and he was beyond horny.  

The room, once filled with warmth and intimacy, was now flooded with the cold reality of the waking world and his mounting frustration.  

It felt so real, too real. His face flushed hot as the remnants of the dream clung to his senses—the way Adisa had touched him, the way his body had craved it.  

He could still feel Adisa’s heat and his cloying, citrusy pheromones.  

“Damn it,” Kazir muttered, throwing the damp sheets off. His body still felt on edge, as though he hadn’t fully escaped the dream’s grasp.  

Could he continue to deny what he felt?  

He glanced at the clock. It was early to be up, especially on his weekend, but he knew there was no way he was going back to sleep now.  

He skipped the cycling club. His body still felt off. He realized his lie had come true—he was now really sick. There was no way he could go cycling.  

He spent the whole day in bed, thinking about Adisa, about what the dream meant, and replaying every moment they had ever shared.  

It wasn’t like him to have those kinds of dreams—especially not about someone he wasn’t supposed to think about in this manner. Ever.

The heat building inside him, the strange pulsing warmth that lingered after the dream, scared him.  

On Sunday, Kazir was still hiding from the world and still feeling under the weather when his phone buzzed. It was a message from Adisa.  

Adisa: Hey. Just wanted to say I’m sorry. I think it’s best if I drop out of the cycling club. I think it’s probably best for both of us if I step back.

Adisa: You might want to disagree, but I get that my presence is making things awkward for you. After Friday night, I, too, feel uncomfortable and embarrassed.  

Kazir’s heart sank as he read the message. Adisa thought he was avoiding him because of their encounter. Maybe he was, but it wasn’t Adisa’s fault.  

Kazir: You don’t have to do that. You shouldn’t quit just because of me.  

There was a long pause before Adisa’s reply came.  

Adisa: I think it’s for the best. For both of us. Take care, Kazir.

Kazir stared at the screen, a sense of loss creeping into his chest. His words felt too final.  

This was his fault, wasn’t it?  

But he didn’t know what he could have done differently.  

He was still feeling off—his body was acting strangely, his emotions all over the place—but now, on top of everything, he was losing Adisa and their budding friendship too.  

He couldn’t help but wonder what might have happened if he had just been honest. If he had told Adisa the truth when he had asked, would things be different now? Would Adisa have stayed? Would he still have a friend?  

The weight of that unspoken truth pressed down on him, and for the first time in a long while, Kazir felt utterly alone.