not brave enough

A really short of not brave meh . . .

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When i hear the not brave word. I'm counted in. What annoys me if that i'm brave to the people i'm close with [parents,sisters,brothers,cousins,friends-relatives] but i'm not when it comes to public like with other people i don't really know or i'm not really that close to.

There's a word called 'bully' and i really hate it because i'm in school and i get bullied at my first appearance in my school.

When was i relaxed?!

it's when i was in international school in my country. There are different people from different countries so i was accepted nicely by nice people. boys and girls. yeah, it's a public school. But since I've stayed a  lot there with my 2 other sisters since first grade, My father couldn't pay more and i stopped till the fifth grade.

And there where i started at private school with GIRLS only. it's free entering to private schools. so that, i hated entering there and i started in sixth grade.

When i'm in new schools, they'll laugh at how different i am and how i look because i look like Filipino because my mum is from Philippines while i'm in an Arab country. i mean like seriously?! what's different!? i'm a human too /cries

Okay back to the point of the title,

I think it's funny because when i was in second intermediate,

My friend left me first because she wanted to go to the bathroom [it was break time] so that i was walking back to my class but then three girls [why do they call themselves pretty when they're not!?] They are close to pass beside me and the middle girl whispered something to the girl who's beside me, on my right.

When they passed really close beside me, the girl on my right pushed me which cause me to tremble a bit and about to fall but thankfully not.

I was clenching my first pretty hard and i stopped when the middle girl spoke behind me saying, "gurl, watch the way, you were about to hurt us", She said in dramatic way. eww.

That's it.

I turned with an angry look and my lips parted to say something, so i yelled [not really] at them [since they are three[.

"you !#$R$#%#$#@$$^%*$%Y#$@!##@$$@%#$%##$%$@#$#$%$"

I DON'T WANT TO SWEAR BUT believe me, i don't know even know what did i say to them. i was nervous and not brave enough to throw words at people i don't know.

After one minute and some seconds, because i really thought i took really long saying 'kjdnf' things i don't know.

I stopped and took a really long breath while glaring at them and noticed the three were looking at me in 'aw' as if they didn't know what the hell am i saying.

"what!?"

never mind.

I turned then quickly ran to my class.

i'm stupid and not brave enough and i always stutter.

that's my problem.

but in my home,

"GO TO HELL" "YAAA" "YOU STUPID IDIOT" "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" "I HATE JOKES" "AAAHHHH"