Lullaby (Chester See)

1999...

27 January

2.49a.m.

When hugging a child, always be the last one to let go for you never know how long they need it.

Age is catching up with me, my throat feels dry almost every night. Walking toward the kitchen to get myself a glass for water, I notice that the living room's light is still on.

Alexis. The small child props herself up against my arm chair that sit three of us (me, her and her sis) almost every evening for their bedtime stories. Her long lashes fighting sleepiness to keep her eyes open. A hardcover storybook sprawled across her legs which was almost drowned beneath it.

Papa.... Alexis looks at me with her sleepy eyes. 

Why aren't you in bed Alexis? I'm also sleepy and the idea of crawling back to my bed really tempts me.

I can't sleep papa, tell me a story, the kind which we create as we go along. Alexis's eyes lit up upon that happy thought. How could I even deny that small, small request of hers?

I put away the storybook and place Alexis on my laps as she snuggles closer. Her tiny hands ball up, grabbing onto the soft material of my night shirt. Her eyes finally close, ready to embrace sleep as she drowns herself in a world which I've created, just for her.

***

I felll asleep halfway through papa's story. His deep comforting voice, the steady beating of his heart, the strong arms that wrap me inside of them, they never fail to make me feel secure. Even more secure than when you're tucked under your favorite blanket on a stormy night or when you squeeze yourself in between both of your parents after a bad nightmare. My papa, he's my hero, my guardian angel, my first love.

***

Both of us fell asleep on that chair that night.

I promised her that I'll be the first thing she sees when she wakes up and I'll fulfill that promise even though I know that she is already fast asleep when I made it.

Goodnight Alexis. Papa loves you.