Support

Long after Yoona leaves the dorm that night, Tiffany stares up at the ceiling with one hand behind her head. An ongoing internal battle ends when she reaches for her phone and holds it close to her mouth. “Hey Siri, play me Voice Mail 3.” The Girl clamps her eyes and mouth shut while Siri pulls up the file.

“Activating voice mail.”

“Hey Honey!” the recorded voice so like her own chirps, though undertones of concern and regret tinge it. “I’m sorry we fought, Baby. ...I know that you want to audition for SM and I really want you to as well, but your father’s concerned. He’s just wants what’s best for you. It’s not easy for a daddy to give up his little girl, especially not an angel-baby like our Stephanie.

“Don’t worry; we can talk to him again later. I support you 100%, Baby. You were born to do this, so there’s no need to rush. You’re so young, Honey. And, well, I'd really prefer you to stay home for a little longer. Soon you’ll be free to go wherever you want without ...burden. Please just give it some time, okay, Sweetie? ...I love you. I hope you call me back soon. Visiting hours are changed tomorrow and I- I don't want to miss you...”

Why didn’t you tell me that you were so close to dying, Mom? Why did you tell me we could talk to Daddy together? We couldn’t! You were wrong! Why are we so often wrong?...Why can’t I delete this message? How many times have I changed phones since you left it, and still... I even have your cell phone number saved in them all...

“Beep! End of message. Would you like to delete this message?” 

“NO! Don’t you dare!” Tears trickle down Tiffany’s pale face once more. “...Play me Voice Mail 7.”

“Activating voice mail.”

“Steeeephiiiiie, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! ...I’m sorry I tricked you with the others... It was just a joke. I didn’t know you, you’d cry... Now I’m crying! Good going! Kkkk Call me back, okay? I’ll always answer if it’s you calling! Even if I’m dead asleep! Lo-”

“LIAR!” Tiffany suddenly shouts into the night.

“Liar?” Siri asks. “Would you like me to call ‘Liar’?”

“NO! Don’t bother; she’s not gonna answer. ...Hey, Siri, let’s text her. Text Jess- I mean ‘Liar.’ Text Liar!”

“Opening text message to Liar.”

“Good. Hey Liar-Liar-Pants-on-Fire, what ever happened to you’ll always answer your phone, even when you’re sleeping, if it’s me calling, huh? What other lies did you tell me, huh?! Did you even ever lo- ...Yeah.” The redhead sighs. “You loved me. I know you did. I don’t know if you still- ...H-hey.” She tries to smile. “Remember when I... kinda fell in love with you?

“Well, you’re so oblivious that you didn’t know it at first even though everyone else did. Remember when I thought you were the only person on Earth for me? Re-remember when you were? ...You were all I had. And you know I don’t say that like you were my last resort. I always picked you first, always would have given the choice. ...We picked each other.

“You were the best support system a person ever had. Oh, that’s my word, by the way, ‘support.’ You were the only person like me, even though we were— are so different— the only person who literally spoke my language and knew my culture. The only one who... wanted to know me. I knew it was love. We were destined, you know. Born in the same hospital, going to the same high school, joining and debuting in the same company— same group even— and being together on all those first snow falls... Why am I telling you like you don’t know? We always marveled at those things together.

“...You did such a good job taking care of me, being there for me in triumph and disappointment, through thick and thin, for poorer and richer— though we were never poor because we had each other and never rich ‘cuz SM has high interest rates, yo!— ...that we were practically married. I even kinda wanted to marry you. Do you remember that? When I followed you around with lovestruck eyes and you didn’t get it until friggin’ Sooyoung laughed my secret out in front of everyone?

“I wanted to kill her. I was so scared. I didn’t want you to feel weird around me or not like me anymore o- or reject me ‘cuz I didn’t know how to live without you anymore. I still don’t... but I guess you have rejected me, and you’re done being my support. I...” Tiffany realizes that Siri has changed the format into an email because her message is too long to be a text or Siri’s turned off altogether. I’ve always had trouble hearing stuff when I talk, huh, Jessi? You hated that sometimes, remember? “...Siri?”

“Do you want to send this message?” it answers right away.

“...No,” Tiffany mumbles. 

“Sending, sending.”

“UGH! Stop it, Siri! ...You're mean.” Tiffany gets up, running an agitated hand through her hair while the other chucks the phone away, and plunks down at her desk to scribble a note with pad and paper. 

“Deleting message...”

“No! Don’t delete it! Draft it; draft it, dammit!” Siri’s such a pain in the butt. Kinda like you. ...But I never really minded when it was you.

Hey Jessi?

Let’s leave the past behind us, okay? There’s nothing more we can do about it and fighting with it will only bring us pain. I learned that from... with my mom... You know. Hey Jessi? Will you make music without us? I hope you will. I’d buy all your albums. I mean that. If a million are made and no one buys them— which they won’t ‘cuz you’re an awesome singer, and person— I’ll buy them all. 

I want to support you too. I know you said I helped you when I would speak for you, but it I can never pay you back enough... though I still want to try. You literally kept me together and alive. And no matter what happened or happens from here on out, I will always thank you for that. You more than anyone helped me through losing Mom. You even kinda became Yoongie’s not the only one who’s lost another mother with your ...departure. You know that, right?

Hey Jessi? If SNSD makes music without you... which will probably really suck!!! You know how much we need you! ... will you support us anyway? I hope you do. I love you; ’til death do us part. No! Longer! I can promise that because I still love my mom in death. You can rely on me even if you think you can't. I hope I can still rely on you too. ...Even if it's not right now.

I love you to the end of our lives and back,

Stephanie

*Doesn’t actually know what Siri’s like.* Close enough?