still vulnerable against a rough-carpeted floor

today, i hurt myself.

i didn't use a knife, a razor, or a cigarette, really.

i just wasn't too careful to see that my friend
would retaliate against me for dabbing a dirtied
whiteboard eraser on her cheek, that she would
end up chasing me around the class and i would
trip on another friend's bag.

i was running (i was going away, of course
i would run) when i hit an unsuspecting bag,
went on scratching the skin of my elbow and knee
with the rough carpet floor, shutting my eyes
because of the shame. i was still laughing, though.

it was about time, really, that i got hurt.

there were gasps and laughter, and i felt
tears forming (not because of shame,
but because of pain) and my friend attacked
me with several dabs of the same whiteboard
eraser on my cheek.

(i wasn't lying, i would laugh too
if another would trip on a bag
and hurt themself, i don't want
to be a hypocrite, it's human nature)

(i would dab on my friend's cheek before
helping her get up, too, if the roles were
reversed, really)

i was thinking not of a way to kill her, but
i was thinking, "oh, crap, i got another major
scratch. it has been several months since
i got a painful one like this."

(i thought that God was kicking my ass)

and then she whispered, "sorry."
rubbed my cheek to get rid of the
eraser marks, and i laughed.

(the alarm was blaring, signaling
the end of school, i should've gotten
up, but my body wasn't replying me)

"smilin' thru the pain," i grinned.

(complete with the accent, even though my
knee and elbow stung, the skin still supporting
the weight of the stardusts accumulated
inside my body)

my friends laughed, one muttering, god,
even though you're hurt, you're still making
jokes like that. no wonder i like you.

i got up and hissed at the sting,
shouldered my backpack, and got away with
them, repeating that i'm okay, laughing and wiping
the remainder of the tears.

i wasn't mad, really. i hurt myself because of another,
but i guess that was another reminder
that even i could get hurt.

it was a reminder
that we're still vulnerable
against a bag
and a rough-carpeted floor.