snapshot #14

Dear Amanda,

I’m getting married today.

Uh, not exactly the way I would usually start a letter but this it was the first thing that came to mind when I thought of you. I mean, it’s not every day that your younger sister gets married at the age of 25. Especially when it’s your younger sister, the one who thought boys had cooties even when I was 13. I still blame you for that.

Speaking of blame… I’ve never gotten over the accident.

Even though I have stopped cutting and moping around, I still feel guilty for calling you up that one night and making you drive over. I was drunk and stupid and that was what killed you. I’m sorry for everything even if you’ve already forgiven me.

I haven’t pressed a blade to my arm in years too. Are you proud of me? I am.

The man I’m getting married to, Calum Pierce, was the one who made me believe that you had forgiven me. I hope you have, I really do. I realized that I couldn’t keep blaming myself for the accident. It was neither of our faults. It was just that – an accident. But I still have those days where I would stare at the wall, wishing you were home with me. I may not be clinically depressed anymore but I still struggle with losing my big sister. I miss you.

Later, at the wedding, I’ll dedicate a speech to you because you’re my Maid of Honor and my Maid of Honor will be honored. Everyone misses you and today will be the day we all will celebrate two things: my wedding and your birthday.

Happy birthday Amanda. I hope heaven treats you well.

See you soon, sis.

Love,

Ali.