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by xandermartin98
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crackfic
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satire
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freddygotfingered
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CHAPTER 3: THE DOCTOR LOVES CHILDREN
Arriving at Building 122004, we hopped off of our motorcycles and went in.
"Hello, we would like to book an appointment with the Doctor." I explained.
"By appointment, do you mean interview?" the lobby secretary, an old human woman with wire-frame secretary glasses asked.
"Yes." I replied, nodding my head.
"Very well then." she confirmed. "However, I'm going to need to quench my raging maternal instincts first." she explained, grabbing me, squeezing me so tightly that my eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets, and nuzzling my ears.
"Oh my god, you're so...CUTE! AWW!!!" she complimented me, kissing me with her old, wrinkly, soggy, disgusting lips.
"Thank you...(cough)...for your...(wheeze)...patronage..." I choked. "My...ribcage...(gasp)...appreciates it...(wheeze)...dearly..."
Finally, she let go of me, leaving me lying on the floor, barely alive from how hard she had just hugged me.
"You know, I was about to complain about how Mama always loved you best, but on second thought I think I'd rather not." King whispered in my ear, grabbing my left leg and dragging my borderline-unconscious body to the elevator.
"AHEM. This elevator is for employees only. TAKE THE GUEST ELEVATOR!" some random business employee standing in the elevator suddenly informed King out of nowhere. Guess what the guest "elevator" was?
Yup, you guessed it. The guest "elevator" was literally a giant square spiral staircase that went all the way up to the top floor. As King dragged me up the staircase, my head was repeatedly smacking against each stair.
"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow." I said repeatedly as we ascended the staircase.
Finally, we reached the top and entered Room 420, where Misery and the Doctor were waiting for us. Thankfully, I had recovered from my injury and was able to stand up and walk again.
"Greetings, old friends." the Doctor greeted us sarcastically; although he was no longer wearing the Demon Crown, his messy green hair still made him look sinister for some odd reason. He looked...like the type of person you would most likely see driving an ice-cream truck in Detroit.
"Are you GLAD to see us again after such a...LONG time?" the Doctor asked us even more sarcastically.
"I'M GOING TO F****** MURDER YOU, YOU SICK F***!" King screamed, almost lunging at the Doctor.
"Uh uh uhh!" Misery warned him, wagging her finger at him. "You wouldn't want lightning to srtike twice now, would you?"
"Very well then." King groaned.
"Ha ha ha...well, you see, you aren't actually...legally allowed to kill me right now, you see, because if you do...well, you'll be thrown in jail." the Doctor explained with a shite-eating grin.
"And we wouldn't want THAT, now would we?" Misery teased.
"Oh, f*** off! I get it, okay? You two are sick bastards. Can we please just get to the real discussion at hand now?" King asked.
"Sure!" Misery answered with a nod, teleporting Sue and Toroko into the room.
"Umm...w-what's going on here?!?" Sue stammered.
"And where's my peanut-butter-and-jewwy sandwich!?" Toroko asked angrily. "I'm so hungwy I could eat somebody wight now!"
"OH, CRAP!" I gasped, jumping back in my chair.
"Ha ha, just kidding!" Toroko giggled.
"What have you two DONE to this sweet, adorable, innocent little girl? You two should be ashamed of yourselves!" the Doctor scolded me and King.
"No, actually, I'm afraid the real question is what have YOU done to these sweet, adorable, innocent little girls?" I asked him. "Personally, I think you've been...touching them. Fingering them, if you will."
"W-WHAT THE F***?! Y-YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID!" the Doctor yelled furiously at me, struggling to maintain his composure.
"Dammit! You want proof?! I'll SHOW you proof! Here are some secret SPY CAMERA photographs that show, in great detail, WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO THESE GIRLS!" I yelled back at him, summoning the folder out of my infinite-storage belt pouch and slamming it onto the projector.
"LET'S SEE HERE...FIRST, you secretly ordered Misery to trap Toroko inside a bubble on PURPOSE so that you could RAPE her! And you DID rape her, too! Don't lie, you son of a bitch!" I showed him.
"I did NOT touch her! You're LYING! I did NOT fondle her soft, plump breasts! I DID NOT!" the Doctor argued.
"NEXT, you instructed Misery to go and kidnap SUE so that you could RAPE and FONDLE and FINGER and...f****** whatever HER as WELL! KNOWING that she was actually your f****** DAUGHTER of all people, you sick bastard!" I continued to show him.
"Why, you INSOLENT little scoundrel, you don't know the HALF of it!" the Doctor raged at me.
"And, not to mention, last but not LEAST...you turned Sue into a half-Mimiga, half-human hybrid with giant adult-sized tits and were also planning to rape ME as well! YOU MOTHERF*****!!!" I raged back at him.
"SO...what do you think of the Doctor NOW, my dear?" Misery asked me, seemingly joining my side.
"DID YOU HEAR THAT, DOC!? You're going to PAY!!!" I yelled at him.
"He's a molester...HE'S A CHIIIIIIIIILD MOLESTER!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my voice suddenly inexplicably cracking into a ludicrous falsetto during the word "child" and then reverting back to normal.
"AAAAAH!!! AAAAAH!!! AAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAAH!!!" I screamed wildly as I threw a bust of Sigmund Freud right through the window, climbed onto the windowsill and jumped out, with Sue, Toroko and King following along behind me before the Doctor was even able to process what in the hell had just happened.
"YEAH, YOU'D BETTER RUN! YOU LIARS!!!" the Doctor yelled at us; luckily, we had placed a mattress underneath the window beforehand, so we all landed on the mattress and were unharmed. Sue and Toroko took a taxi back home, while King and I rode back home on our motorcycle.
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