The Fallen Hero

 

The Masked Mimiga appeared to be a cyborg Mimiga just like King; I couldn't quite figure out who he was, but he definitely looked familiar. Also, he had a lightsaber just like King's,except that this one was red instead of blue.

 

"SELF-DESTRUCT IN THREE MINUTES." the security system alerted us.

 

"Greetings, young warrior. I am the Masked Mimiga." he greeted me with an oddly welcoming tone, brandishing his lightsaber and slowly walking toward me as I cowered up against the wall. "I am here to kill you. Hello and...goodbye!"

 

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" King yelled, suddenly teleporting into the room (presumably thanks to Misery's powers or some s***) and stopping the Masked Mimiga in his tracks.

 

"Umm...how did YOU get here?" I asked King.

 

"Fanfiction logic. Don't question it." King answered with a wink.

 

"Anyway, about you..." King addressed the Masked Mimiga, turning around to face him, "You have been a menace to our race for quite some time now. We have recieved numerous reports of you...killing younglings."

 

"Is that supposed to be a euphemism for masturbation?" the Masked Mimiga asked sarcastically, trying not to laugh.

 

"Well, aren't YOU the clever one!" King laughed, engaging in a lightsaber duel with his new adversary.

 

"WOO HOO! Better than pro wrestling! GO KING! GO KING! GO KING! GO KING!" I cheered from the sidelines, eating potato chips.

 

"WHO ARE YOU?!" King demanded to know as he and his adversary exchanged dramatic sword blows in an epic clash of the Star Wars ripoffs. If I'd still had my beer bottle on hand, I probably would've made up a drinking game for every time one of them backflipped over, front-flipped over, or rolled under the other's lightsaber swing.

 

"SELF-DESTRUCT IN TWO MINUTES." the security system alerted us.

 

"Jack never told you what happened to your father." the Masked Mimiga told King as the two of them continued clashing with each other, with Arthur backed up against the giant glass(es) window of the room.

 

"He told me enough!" King bit back at him as the two of them became interlocked into a lightsaber tug-of-war. "He told me the Red Ogre killed him!"

 

"NO!" the Masked Mimiga corrected him. "I AM YOUR FATHER."

 

"SAY WHAAAT?!" I responded with mild surprise, despite the fact that this trope had already been done to death ever since the original Star Wars.

 

"No...NO...T-THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!" King argued.

 

"Look deep within yourself." Arthur advised him. "You know it to be true."

 

"NOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOO!!!" King screamed.

 

"Oh, come on, don't be such a baby." Arthur sighed.

 

"GRR...TAKE THIS!!!" In his surprisingly well-controlled rage, King purposefully fired his eye laser in a huge circle around Arthur, making it look as if anger had clouded his vision.

 

"HA! FOOL! You missed me!" Arthur laughed.

 

"We'll see who's laughing NOW!" King snapped at him, shoving him into the newly-made hole in the window.

 

"WHAT THE- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!" Arthur screamed as he fell to his death.

 

"A truly pathetic fate for a truly pathetic man." King spat. "Hey, Jack, what do you say we go out for burgers tonight?"

 

"You said it, pal!" I agreed joyfully, leaping into the air and giving him the high-five of approval.

 

"SELF-DESTRUCT IN FOURTY-TWO SECONDS." the security system informed us.

 

"Come on, buddy, let's hightail it out of here!" I reminded him as we both fled through the robot's right ear and rode back down to ground level on my hang glider, landing on the sidewalk right next to the demolished remains of the orphanage.

 

"Gee, it sure is boring around here..." I sarcastically pointed out as burning buildings, screaming civilians and ambulance sirens filled the air.

 

"Say, where'd you get that snazzy hang glider?" King asked.

 

"Oh, only by having the world's coolest hat emblem!" I bragged smugly, crossing my arms.

 

"Well, there's no time to brag!" King told me. "If and when we ever go back home to the island, we have an urgent mission to accomplish! WE MUST...clean that hard-to-reach place under the fridge!"

 

"Right after I work out my post-traumatic stress disorder..." I groaned, clutching the sides of my aching head. "The way I feel right now, even spring cleaning has lost its subtle charm..."

 

"Oh, don't feew so bad! You've stiw got miwwions of days to spend wif ME!" Toroko giggled.

 

"Yeah, just make sure she doesn't...get to you." I was reminded by Sue, who currently was in a wheelchair and had casts on her right leg and left arm, along with half of her face being covered with bandages. "Make sure you give her bones or else THIS will happen to you! Or worse!"

 

Wincing and shuddering at the thought of what Sue had just told me, I suddenly saw some random guy who was dressed like a Pokémon trainer running straight toward me from across the street. At first I didn't quite remember who it was, but then it suddenly hit me!

 

"OH, S***, IT'S QUOTE! AND HE'S GOT A WHIP! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" I screamed.

 

And so the story ended just like that, with Quote chasing me all the way across town until he couldn't chase me no more.

 

"Hahh...hahh...hahh..." he panted, getting out his keg of motor oil and guzzling the rest of it down, burping out fire after doing so. "Did you...fornicate...with...my wife?" he asked me surprisingly politely.

 

"For crying out loud, I did not f*** her! I DID NOT! YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, QUOTE!" I yelled angrily at him.

 

"Oh yeah? Well, let's see what these photographs have to say about THAT!" he countered, showing me a bunch of badly-photoshopped pictures.

 

"Are you fricking kidding me? That's literally just YOUR private bed photos with my face crappily edited onto YOUR fricking body!" I pointed out.

 

"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!!!" Quote yelled at me.

 

Not knowing how to respond to something so random, I decided to just suck it up and tell him what happened. "Toroko got fingered."

 

"I don't wanna live on this planet anymore." Quote told me, pulling out his revolver and shooting himself in the face.

 

"Well...that's all, folks!" I concluded.

 

THE END