○MikiApple○

Title: (4 /5)

I'm a little undecided about the title. It's simple and nice and doesn't make me cringe and exit the page. But it's not "unique"  and makes me immediately feel the 'need' to read this story. Overall I like it and the story suits this title.

Foreword/Description: (5.5/10)

Honestly compared to the average fan fiction your description is barely existent . I would only really count  the lines  in your poster,  "In this age, the truth was I had nothing to live for." and,  "All the things I had in my hands, there was nothing special about them…  Nothing but  one thing"  as your description. 

Also as personal opinion I feel that your "description" is a little misleading and confusing in two ways. 1:  The sentence on the poster gives of a angst feel, where as the sentence in your description gives of a romance feel. 2:  Also my first impression as a reader, when I read  the sentence in your description  I interpreted as Jiyong to be the 'one thing'. "All the things I had in my hands, there was nothing special about them…  Nothing but  one thing."  So I expected them to be in a relationship already? So I was surprised when both of the  characters didn't know each other personally and your story was completely different from what I expected. Now that I completed reading your story I defiantly  know her musical talent supposed to be the 'one thing' she had that was special.

With the sentence I was just talking about."All the things I had in my hands, there was nothing special about them…  Nothing but  one thing". I think you change the text font, to me it looks to squished and I find it off-putting.  Also it should be quoted !!  Since this is a line that is taken from the first chapter of your story.

Lastly I find your 'tags' misleading , or may I say tag.  The romance tag doesn't belong there in my opinion.  I don't really see any romance between the two characters;  Jiyong and Yunhui, except for the slight crush Yunhui has on Jiyoung throughout the story. I think this mainly contributed to the misunderstanding, confusion and interpretation of my first idea of what your story was about.

Overall description is really important in a story, it's what brings people to read and leave your story. I think having more of a clear description of your story would be beneficial. Because I can bet that a few readers left your story because they misinterpreted it, or that some didn't even click your story because they thought it was going to be based on a romance story.

Plot and Originality: (17/20)

I generally enjoyed reading your story. Though honestly it was nothing special  that made me excitedly read on (in terms of originality). It wasn't cringe worthy because the story was too cliché, and it did have a nice message in terms of persuing  your dreams. It had everything a basic story should have; a introduction,  problem/climax, problem resolved and an ending. In plot terms was there supposed to be a romance between Yunhui and jiyong? I found this confusing because he was more of a mentor to Yunhui in the story. Other than Jiyong finding Yunhui and teaching her to follow her dreams via parents, stage, job, there is no major plot and I felt that you could have done this a one-shot rather than nine chapters.

I think your plot lacked the special originality, that would make me quickly recommend it to my friends. I enjoyed reading it, but honestly I wouldn't bookmark it to read again.   

Characterisation: (7/15)

The issues of plot originality and characterisation  is where you  lacked the most in your story. I didn't have any problems with any of your characters except for Yunhui and her parents. Quickly, on the subject of her parents  it seems they were just shoved  into the story to quickly create a reason for Yuhui's  character background.  That me and the readers were supposed to link and draw our own conclusion on the reason for Yuhui's personality. More Depth explaining her personality and background,  especially on her feeling for music and her parents involvement with that would have made Yuhui's and her parents characters much more realistic and relatable.

Flow: (13/15)

I didn't have a major problems with the flow of your story. Just characterisation affect the flow and plot of your story a little.

Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation: (23/25)

No major problems here in terms of grammar, spelling and punctuation. Though I did notice in the first chapter you made two errors.

"YuHuis  glance glided across her classmates."  Instead of..  ' Yuhui's glance glided across her classmates. ' This made me confused, thinking that her name was YuHuis.

"While the other students started to carry out their cleaning duty, went home or to the library," -Should be a full-stop after library instead of a comma.

Vocabulary: (5/5)

No major problems here! Your vocabulary was varied enough to prevent itself from implementing the readers enjoyment of the story. Also the type of vocabulary fitted the stories setting. Which is really important and often something that is overlooked.

Bonus Points + Overall Enjoyment: (3.5 /5)

I'm giving you bonus points for the meaning behind your story.  (I'm a sucker for story meanings). Half a point because I enjoyed reading your story.

Keep developing as an author, you have great potential and your writing is really good. (It is, I'm not just saying that) All you have to do is work on the areas you lack. ~Hwaiting!~

Total: (79/100) | Grade: B