○malfada○

First of all for a reviewers note; I would like to apologize for being so late with your review. I got a virus on my computer, nearly making your review late by a week. (I was supposed to give your review on Friday last week).

Title: (5/5)

Instability - I find this to great title for your story. It's memorable and meaningful and matches the tone, mood and target audience of the story. Personally I think that you've made a good first impression with your title and I find it engaging enough to my interests, to make me click that link.

Foreword/Description: (7/10)

At first glance of your description, I noticed straight away the definition you copied for 'Instability'. Though it's not exactly the "normal thing" to add to your description (excluding stories with titles you can't understand or have deep meanings to), I must say it suits the genre/type of story - so no complaints on that part. The second thing I noticed was the sentence above your definition, (to which I'm counting as the main description) was the sentence "Love and its consequences." Honestly, it don't think this sentence suited or described your story correctly. I felt that it would have been better suited to 'Instability and its consequences'. (Though I know what you intended and tried to achieve and I understand. I just think it doesn't accurately portray the content of the story). Personal opinion, anyway. The last thing I want to 'nag at you for your description' is related to the paragraph above 'the lack of, or appropriate use of description' (Warning another personal opinion). I think that coping the first two paragraphs and adding them to your description (under the definition) would be beneficial or just giving a brief summary of your story should suffice. In all you need a description with more depth, and making a summary or taking a (insert - change)  from your story.

The first thing I noticed in your foreword was this "May 29 2013 - June 10 2013". I'm going to take a guess that these two dates are the time between in which you took writing this story? Either way, it would be nice to explain this. It would have been good for you to have written something meaningful, as to why you wrote this story, for the readers (but this is just a suggestion.) I also thought it was good that you mentioned that you wanted an opinion from the readers. Generally when you do this, readers are inclined to do so.

Plot and Originality: (15/20)

I liked that I could follow your plot fairly easily, and understand what was happening. It made sense within the context and it seemed that you knew about autism or at least did some research before you wrote this story. Your story didn't really jump around too much, as you had the side issue of Harry's 'finding' Haneul (which I suppose was necessary and also unnecessary at the same time).

The concept of a main character having autism is something that I haven't seen before in fan fiction. It obviously helped the originality of your story, also in creating a story that your readers would generally remember after reading. I felt that the situation between Harry and Haneul was a little cliché or more or less, a little unrealistic. Harry suddenly felt the extreme need to talk to her after he really admitted that he wasn't friends with her or blatantly cared about her. It seems unrealistic, like you added his character to quickly connect or add a reason for Haneul developing autism. But I suppose you could always argue that, it was a 'turning point' for Harry's character. When the friends meet up, that because Haneul wasn't present, he acquired a desire to see her.

Characterization: (11/15)

Honestly it's hard to determine how relatable your characters should be. They're realistic enough to believable in a sense.  It's just because of the main idea/plot of the story is a little unrelatable to me, since I have little knowledge on Haneul's condition so to say.  

While I'm still discussing the relatable/character believability issue, I don't understand; Haneul's, Harry's and Soobin's friends? Truthfully to me they seem like horrible friends and in my point of view, if I had friends that would laugh when I told them a serious thing like my friend had autism.  They would be my ex-friends and I would, let’s say, be kicking some booty right now! So for that reason I just can't see them as a believable characters, their maturity level doesn't even seem appropriate for their age.  But I suppose there are also some idiots in this world.

I think you should have added more detail to your characters. I'll explain. I extracted this line from your story. This is where you generally explain Soobin's reason for not telling her friends the 'truth' about Haneul.

"…that could also be interpreted as a major depression." First, whenever you write a story with a plot of a character that has medical conditions, you have to assume that the readers don't have any knowledge of the medical condition. (In your case; autism.) So when you described in the first chapter to the readers. Through Soobin’s thoughts, that Haneul began to develop autism.  I think you need to give more detail in Haneul's actions or emotional behaviour.

 "Haneul was diagnosed with autism (something she strangely developed within her) that could also be interpreted as a major depression." You need to explain how it could be interpreted as a major depression. What developed inside her?  Something she strangely developed within herself?

^^ This sentence personally I dislike. I really don't think this explained autism clearly enough for the readers to understand. When I read your first chapter, this part really confused me. (Since at that time, even though I've heard of autism, I don’t really understand the condition.) It's not a common medical condition you see in fan fiction like; deafness or blindness etc. You really need to clearly explain it clearly, whether it's in your authors note at the end of the chapter, or including it in your story.

Though I must say I liked how your characters each had believable flaws and no-one was honestly perfect. It made your story interesting and less cliché.

Flow: (15/15) 

The paragraphs of your story transitioned well in my opinion. The order of events in your story isn't rushed. No major concerns here ether.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: (25/25) points

Well I guess, you know how to correctly use grammar and spell your words correctly (or you have a good spell-checker).  Since I didn't notice any errors of sort when I was reading your story. Maybe I could find some if I search hard enough through your writing. But hey, it's good that I didn't have to stop read a sentence in your story and cringe at an awful error. Congrats!

Vocabulary: (5/5)

In terms of the range of vocabulary you used, your story was varied in different words that gave enough detail for the readers to understand and imagine the situations and characters. I didn't really see you misuse any words. Also this wasn't a problem, just an idea for your future writing. It would have been nice to use more figurative language/imagery especially for Haneul's pov at the end, just to enrich your writing (Personal opinion again).

Bonus Points + Overall Enjoyment: (3/5)

I have various emotional reactions throughout your story; characters like Haneul, Soobin etc. It really improved your story have the characters feelings included in your story.

Haneul's pov in the last chapter was what really made your story good and realistic. You described Haneul's emotions so well; I had a reviewer’s fan girl moment. If you can't guess, It was definitely my favorite part of your story. Overall I enjoyed reading your story. It was well written and your story concept was interesting. I would consider recommending your story. The only thing I'll suggest it to add a authors note at the end of the first chapter giving a brief description of what autism is.

On another note, I liked how you had different pov's for each of the three main characters; Haneul, Harry and Soobin.  Personally for me, this added more interest and depth via plot and characterization. (Also, I hardly see this 'pulled-off' well with other writers.)

Total: (86/100)  Grade: B+

Note: This review is meant for constructive criticism. However if the opinion in this review has negatively affected you, your feelings or your writing style, please tell us. You deserve an apology even if it is unintentional.

Thank you for requesting from us. Remember to comment once you have seen this review. If you want to you can put this into a blog because there is no guarantee that this review will be here forever. And also remember to credit this shop in the foreword/description of your story, Instability.