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○lostreader○

by yingjumeihua
Tags   oneshot   request   shop   review   writing   midnight   | Report Content

A A A A

 New Moon 

 

Title: Cigarette Smoke
Author: lostreader
Chapters: One
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Cremeplan42
 
 
Title: (3/5)
In my opinion, the title matches the story concept well. It makes me think smoking is one of people’s main comfort zone. Since it’s only a drabble, I would not mind stopping by and reading it once or twice.
 
Foreword/Description: (7/10)
The description makes me wonder what’s ahead. It keeps me pondering ‘is this well-written?’  or ‘did he/she made the story as anticipating as her foreword?’. Usually people would focus their efforts more on the foreword rather than the story itself. Though your description was simple and short, it was enough for me to read the next page.
 
Plot and Originality: (19/20) 
FF writers like to write Drabbles and One-shots, and I could tell if one has put his/her heart onto the piece they have created. It was I guess…heartfelt?
 
Characterization: (15/15)
You gave the character this dark, and mysterious quality. Like he has a lot of resentments and short-comings in life. I gave you a perfect score for your character. I think it was developed quite well.
 
Flow: (12/15) 
The drabble wasn’t fast nor slow, it was just right. I was actually reading this when the rain was pouring hard, which made me get into the character you made.
 
Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation: (22/25)
You have a nice flow of words. It may not be as deep as what others would expect, but your grasp in the English language vas very well done. Although please be aware with your grammar, you tend to switch back and forth with tenses. 
 
Vocabulary: (3/5)
Like I said, even though your words weren’t that complicated, it gave a nice flow and texture to your story. I want to see some improvement on the vocabulary, because I know you have a talent for writing.
 
Bonus Points + Overall Enjoyment: (3/5)
Probably the thing that made it memorable for me was when you described how you wished problems and smoke were the same. I guess when you made this for your friend, you wanted to comfort her in some way that wouldn’t blow her too hard. You’re one thoughtful friend. And I admire that.
 
 
Total: (84/100) | Grade: B
 
Note: This review is meant for constuctive criticism. However if the opinion in this review has negatively affected you, your feelings or your writing style, please tell us. You deserve an apology even if it is unintentional.
 
Thank you for requesting from us. Remember to comment once you have seen this review. If you want to you can put this in a blog because there is no guarantee that this review will be here forever. And also remember to credit this shop in the foreword/description of your story, Cigarette Smoke.
 
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Comments

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simulacrum  on says about chapter 29:
Thank your for the review! And it's alright if it's late... I'm in no rush plus I understand that you have a life behind your computer! ^O^ I'm glad that I improved (even by a little bit) but there's still room for more and I'll try to strive perfection next time (not like I've been already trying to... but you get what I mean XD)! >:D And for the biological matter, you're right about how she learned that from her studies... I've seen a lot of kids around her age (rl) who knew big words like those (they're the studious kind) so I used that inference in my story! ^-^;;

--SandremSHADE__  on says about chapter 27:
Today i got the oneshot and it is splendid! Thanks a lot for the oneshot and I absolutly love it. No need for sorry, it got mended. And the story was awesome. Thanks once again^^

simulacrum  on says about chapter 26:
I requested again! I wanted to see how much I improved my story for Warmth~ kekeke I have my fingers crossed XD

--SandremSHADE__  on says:
I requested once again. Plz do the fic as quickiy as possible. Thnx.

IFeelGood  on says about chapter 16:
may i ask, how long does it take to write a chapter for this 'story'? you write really long and helpful chapters

--SandremSHADE__  on says about chapter 25:
Can u plz do my story a little quickly? I kno tht u hav a lyf outside this site n stuff but i can't wait 4 long! Hope u kindly get my words. I'll b waiting 4 my story. Thnx.

daeguknamahForever  on says about chapter 2:
I requested.

simulacrum  on says about chapter 25:
Thank you for the review! I really appreciate it :) When I saw those errors it made me really think: "I reviewed it so much, how can this happen?!" well, maybe I wasn't careful enough OTL I'll fix my story, and maybe then I'll actually bring you tears ;D lol I wish.

applecyanide  on says about chapter 2:
Hello, hello, hello. I requested for a review. Just as a warning, since this story was meant as a fanfiction for a specific fandom, it might be confusing for some readers who have never heard of the story (Naruto). So, I would prefer if the reviewer (whoever it is) to at least be somewhat acquainted with it. Then again, he/she doesn't have to be. You can always ask me questions if you need any clarifications, and there's always the Naruto wiki page. I just hope that because the story may be lacking a few background info (cause fans usually hate reading that when they already know /everything/), you guys won't deduct points or anything. I'm just looking for a critical review of my writing, nothing else. Okay, that was kinda long. Sorry! And thank you!

-serendipitous-  on says about chapter 2:
I've applied as a reviewer.

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